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Super funny e-mail i recieved at work today!!!!

Christopher

Regular Member
Joined
Sep 7, 2010
Messages
58
Location
McMinnville Oregon
Posted on craigslist personals:

To the guy who mugged me downtown (downtown, Savannah)

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded i hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You alsoasked for my girlfriends purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap your
pants when i drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, i was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.
My girlfiend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holsterfor it that evening.
Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking pack towherever you came from with that brown sludge flopping around in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your
shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of
calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your
card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then i threw the wallet itself
in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your next bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down
the line, and i've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so i don't know whats going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut
off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it, oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that i was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so i'd like to make it up to you.
I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so i would like to help you out. I would like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants.
What brand sis you use, and what is liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home
humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.

If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
 

thebigsd

Founder's Club Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2010
Messages
3,535
Location
Quarryville, PA
So in this fictional story the guy responds to the bad guy's criminal act by committing criminal acts of his own? Not as funny as you think it is.
 

Kirbinator

Regular Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2010
Messages
903
Location
Middle of the map, Alabama
I can see making the phone call to Momma.

"Your son just tried to rob me. He dropped his phone and ran off. If he does it again, you will be burying him."

I would think that the prospect of being shot would be enough to convince anyone who is inclined to commit a violent crime from committing one again. You can push the police around, to some extent, and make a scene (looks great on C.O.P.S.)... but a private citizen with a gun WILL shoot.

This is why I've never understood why we as a country tolerate so much. In Germany, if you mouth off to a cop, he just gives you a quick rap to the head and knocks you out. We don't do that here. We physically move people around, restraining them against their will, rather that taking the easy way out and cuffing them while they are unconscious.
 

Grapeshot

Legendary Warrior
Joined
May 21, 2006
Messages
35,317
Location
Valhalla
Even the Social Lounge is subject to OCDO rules.

Still the story does bring a "poetic justice" smile.

Yes Skid did play chess w/Honest Abe and beat him - I know 'cause I was there along with Peter Nap.
 

SFCRetired

Regular Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
1,764
Location
Montgomery, Alabama, USA
Even the Social Lounge is subject to OCDO rules.

Still the story does bring a "poetic justice" smile.

Yes Skid did play chess w/Honest Abe and beat him - I know 'cause I was there along with Peter Nap.

I think I've got all three of you beat. My son says the only thing around here older than I am is the dirt!!

I love that story just because it is "poetic justice". IRL, the guy doing those things would probably face some major charges. Would I do such a thing? I'll never tell.:D
 

skidmark

Campaign Veteran
Joined
Jan 15, 2007
Messages
10,444
Location
Valhalla
SFCRetired -

You do know that Peter Nap, Grapeshot and I were on the feasability committee studying dirt? And that two of us voted against the notion. All those farmers out there can be thankful that we were not the only members of that committee.

stay safe.
 

SFCRetired

Regular Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
1,764
Location
Montgomery, Alabama, USA
@ Kirbinator: I've always known where the bodies were buried. Hint: Lot of folks have gone into the Tombigbee River swamps and Mobile River delta and never came back out.:lol:

@skidmark: And just who do you think chaired that committee? Had to have a Senior Army NCO to keep things running smoothly.:banana:

Nice when we can have fun, isn't it? This is one of the things I miss about active duty; we were always serious about the job, but we also had fun with doing that job. Remind me to tell y'all the story about the Battalion Commander who got goosed with the front sight of a M16 at night in German woods.
 
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