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Thread: Mother in law hates when I carry

  1. #1
    Regular Member bmmd321's Avatar
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    Mother in law hates when I carry

    So I've had my permit for a few months now and purchased two firearms. Prior to carrying I read all the laws and statutes so I can make sure i was doing everything right. When I first started carrying my wife was nervous, now after a few months she understands a lot more of why I carry everywhere I go. Its a crazy world and living in the newhaven county the fourth most deadliest city in the USA, I would be stupid not too. Now my problem is her mom. Everytime she comes over or we stop by she's always asking why do you have that? She says you over react too much. I tell her its my right as a citizen to protect myself. She still rolls her eyes and questions me all the time. Now I respect her and don't want to upset my wife when I tell her to f*%k off, so how can I go about this? Some people are just blind to the truth. The truth is times are different and people are desperate, economy is bad people robbing stealing etc. I will not let my kids fall victim to someone elses actions, therefore I carry everywhere. Even in my home. My wife now gets upset cause I don't go over her moms house anymore, but im just trying to avoid the harrasment. Any advice???

  2. #2
    Regular Member Rich B's Avatar
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    Are you carrying unconcealed around her?

    This is the perfect situation to just conceal and save yourself the trouble.

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    Ask your MIL if she would rather you be able to defend your wife in a dangerous situation, or if she'd rather you not be able to...you could also tack on some witty comment about your gun being part of your insurance policy...

    If she's rational and willing to listen, I would tell her "It's my decision, and I'd like you to respect that." If not, maybe your wife could make some progress with her.

  4. #4
    Regular Member bmmd321's Avatar
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    I conceal carry but maybe my shirt comes up and she sees it. It doesn't matter cause she know its on me. The day I leave it at home and im over eating dinner, is the day some idiot kicks in the door and who know what's next. I hate to think like that but it happens everyday. At least with my firearm I have a chance to defend myself and my family. She's just old school and thinks only bad things happen to only bad people. Maybe I'll keep trying to school her on everything and maybe one day she'll see things the way I do.

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    Regular Member DocWalker's Avatar
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    I would probably print out some articles of "good people" being victims to crime. Some killed or wonded just for being in the wrong place at the right time. Put together a little book of 10-15 articles were unarmed citizens where couldn't protect themselves. I would also put in 5-10 articles or news reports of armed citizens protecting themself or their family with positive outcomes.

    Sit down and show them to her and ask her what group she would like to see her daughter and grandkids be attached to in the event something bad happens to good people.

    You can find these stories on the internet, there are a lot of them.

  6. #6
    Regular Member bmmd321's Avatar
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    Thanks for thee feedback guys n gals. The article thing is a good idea, will do.

  7. #7
    Regular Member Rich B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bmmd321 View Post
    I conceal carry but maybe my shirt comes up and she sees it. It doesn't matter cause she know its on me. The day I leave it at home and im over eating dinner, is the day some idiot kicks in the door and who know what's next. I hate to think like that but it happens everyday. At least with my firearm I have a chance to defend myself and my family. She's just old school and thinks only bad things happen to only bad people. Maybe I'll keep trying to school her on everything and maybe one day she'll see things the way I do.
    Sounds like the only problem is that you need to work on your concealment. Out of sight, out of mind.

    I doubt you are going to make her 'come around' by arguing with her.

  8. #8
    Campaign Veteran skidmark's Avatar
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    I'm going to second PistolPackingMomma. I'm also going to try not to make bad MIL jokes or references.

    Your decision to carry is based on your resolve to protect yourself so that you can provide for your family, which at this point consists of your MIL's daughter. Your decision is also based on your resolve to protect your MIL's daughter. Anything your MIL says against those decisions seems to indicate that she cares less about you providing for and protecting her daughter than you do - but I wouldn't say that in so many words to her face unless you get a good head start.

    The fact that you continue to carry when your MIL shows up seems to indicate a resolve to protect her when she is under your roof or your companion when out and about. Leastways that's how I would sell it.

    I suggest you find a time when you can sit down with your MIL and explain these points without getting into any debate about 2A, or you being paranoid or not, or anything else. Then ask her if she wants you to stop caring about her daughter and her to the point of stripping away your ability to protect them. If she says Yes, she wants you to stop, just tell her that you are very sorry but morally and ethically choose not to do so in spite of her desires.

    At that point the discussion is over, closed and cannot be brought up again.

    She can choose not to let you protect her by not being around you. Otherwise, she's just going to have to put up with you caring more about her than she cares about herself.

    Since she's probably not going to give up seeing her daughter, you get to go on protecting her even though it pisses her off. Be sure to let your wife know you are willing to endure that - it might earn you a bonus point.

    If, on the other hand, your MIL "sees the light" and understands at least the basics of your reason(s) for carrying in order to protect her daughter and her, then you win. She does not have to be wildly enthusiastic about it, but she has to endure it wiht at least politeness if not good grace.

    Hope this helps.

    stay safe.
    "He'll regret it to his dying day....if ever he lives that long."----The Quiet Man

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    Regular Member MilProGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rich B View Post
    Are you carrying unconcealed around her?

    This is the perfect situation to just conceal and save yourself the trouble.
    That's what I was going to recommend.
    Proud Veteran ~ U.S. Army / Army Reserve

    Mississippi State Guard ~ Honorably Retired


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    Regular Member Badger Johnson's Avatar
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    What about this?

    Have some friends dress up like burglars and burst into your house with (toy) guns. Have them order your M-I-L to give them her valuables, etc. When your MIL looks at you, knowing you have a gun, just raise your hands palm up and shrug and say 'Oh, sorry, left it in the safe since you were coming over'.

    Then, after she freaks, tell her it's just a joke.

    When she finishes changing her underwear, she'll change her mind on you carrying for SD.
    A gun in a holster is better than one drawn and dispensing bullets. Concealed forces the latter. - ixtow

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    Quote Originally Posted by Badger Johnson View Post
    What about this?

    Have some friends dress up like burglars and burst into your house with (toy) guns. Have them order your M-I-L to give them her valuables, etc. When your MIL looks at you, knowing you have a gun, just raise your hands palm up and shrug and say 'Oh, sorry, left it in the safe since you were coming over'.

    Then, after she freaks, tell her it's just a joke.

    When she finishes changing her underwear, she'll change her mind on you carrying for SD.
    I would not recommend this. MIL may be a hypocrite like Diane Feinstein and be carrying concealed herself!

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    Quote Originally Posted by bmmd321 View Post
    So I've had my permit for a few months now and purchased two firearms. Prior to carrying I read all the laws and statutes so I can make sure i was doing everything right. When I first started carrying my wife was nervous, now after a few months she understands a lot more of why I carry everywhere I go. Its a crazy world and living in the newhaven county the fourth most deadliest city in the USA, I would be stupid not too. Now my problem is her mom. Everytime she comes over or we stop by she's always asking why do you have that? She says you over react too much. I tell her its my right as a citizen to protect myself. She still rolls her eyes and questions me all the time. Now I respect her and don't want to upset my wife when I tell her to f*%k off, so how can I go about this? Some people are just blind to the truth. The truth is times are different and people are desperate, economy is bad people robbing stealing etc. I will not let my kids fall victim to someone elses actions, therefore I carry everywhere. Even in my home. My wife now gets upset cause I don't go over her moms house anymore, but im just trying to avoid the harrasment. Any advice???
    Simple. Get yourself a new mother-in-law.

  13. #13
    Regular Member bmmd321's Avatar
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    Hahahahahaha. Thanks for the feedback and laughs!!

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    If your MIL is one of those people who thinks only bad things happen to bad people.....remind her of the Doctor whose wife and daughters were killed in their home. The wife and daughters were doing nothing except buying groceries when they were picked out of a crowd....followed....and terrorized. Remind her of that.

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    Regular Member Billy D's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cocked&locked View Post
    Simple. Get yourself a new mother-in-law.

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    Regular Member KIX's Avatar
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    I can get the audio, but have her listen to Joshua Komisarjevsky's confession. WVIT had the audio files for a bit. He said no matter what and how much they complied, in the end, they were going to die and Hayes made that clear.

    At least if you carry, you have a fighting chance and it won't be int he perps hands.

    Jonathan
    www.ctpistolpermitissues.com - tracking all the local issuing authority, DPS and other insanity with permit issues
    www.ctgunsafety.com - my blog and growing list of links useful to gun owners (especially in Connecticut).

    Rich B: My favorite argument against OC being legal in CT is "I have never seen someone OC in CT".
    I have never seen a person drink tea from a coke bottle while standing on their head, that doesn't mean it is illegal.

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    Regular Member KIX's Avatar
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    For the record, my ex mother in law hates it when I tag my son in pictures on FB when we are at the range. She truly CRINGES!

    I love it.

    Jonathan
    www.ctpistolpermitissues.com - tracking all the local issuing authority, DPS and other insanity with permit issues
    www.ctgunsafety.com - my blog and growing list of links useful to gun owners (especially in Connecticut).

    Rich B: My favorite argument against OC being legal in CT is "I have never seen someone OC in CT".
    I have never seen a person drink tea from a coke bottle while standing on their head, that doesn't mean it is illegal.

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    Dr Pettit

    As mentioned before, I'm sure the poor doctor Pettit wishes he had the means to protect his family against those animals. He did all the right things that comes with money, moved to Cheshire, a pretty nice town in a nice part of the state. Not that near any "bad" towns/cities.

    The problem with criminals are they don't say in their own towns - they like to rob people that actually have stuff so the head into the nicer parts and figure they can rob/murder with impunity.

    It was only pure luck those bastards were caught at all and I can't think of a punishment suitable for them unless it's setting them on fire like they did to Dr Pettit's family.

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    I can recommend 2 stories to show her....

    1) Google the 2008 Lane Bryant killings

    2) Google Suzanna Hupp and listen to her story of loosing her parents .

    Both are stories of innocent people doing everyday things and in places most would assume to be reasonably safe.

  20. #20
    Campaign Veteran MAC702's Avatar
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    Find a picture of a beautiful girl lying dead from a violent attack in a parking lot. The more gruesome, the better. Hand it to her and simply say that you will do everything in your power to keep her daughter from ending up like this.
    "It's not important how many people I've killed. What's important is how I get along with the people who are still alive" - Jimmy the Tulip

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    Founder's Club Member ixtow's Avatar
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    I don't think you'll get through arguing. Put a splinter in her mind with something simple... Give her something profound enough she has to think about it whether she wants to or not. I'm willing to bet that using this technique has won me more converts than every other person on this forum combined.

    I've moved staunch Liberal moonbats that make Obama look Conservative, from hating guns and cursing my name in public for owning one, to buying their own AK47 in under a week. All you have to do is plant the seed. Remember, truth and facts are on our side. You have to break the Faction Agenda barrier, and the lives of their children usually do that. I've met few people who place their Political Faction's Agenda above their Children's Lives. You break that barrier, and all the talking points disappear. They call out their own bullsh!t. They can't help but think about it.

    "Would you rather I lament how there was nothing I could do at her funeral? Helplessness never made anyone safer."

    "'We never expected it in OUR neighborhood [sob sob sob] Now my baby is dead!' Isn't that what all the news reports say?"

    I sometimes use a counter-aggression "Sad, that I care more about your daughter than you do." but that doesn't seem appropriate here.

    Accept the fact that you can't fix stupid. If she is stupid, don't waste your time. And definitely don't change your ways to suit her neurosis. Bending down and being a weakling, appeasing the hateful... It only makes you look pathetic. They'll both lose respect for you and the hen-pecking and harassment will only get worse. If she doesn't like it, she can close her damn eyes.

    If it comes to this, and she is too juvenile or stupid to respect you, then find a more tactful way to tell her to fock off.

    "I'm not going to waste my time casting pearls before [those who cannot understand the value]. We can continue the petty bickering unto it's final stupidity, or we can stop talking about what you don't understand and maintain some civility."

    Don't raise your voice when she interrupts you, and she will... Just keep saying what you have to say, and DO NOT repeat yourself. You're dealing with a brat who things she can subdue you because of the relationship. At the risk of sounding sexist, I bring up the experience that women have a policy of abusing relationships to bully men. They use the thought of possible emotional pain to get you to bend to their will. Is this what a loving family does to each other? No. Don't be afraid to point out that you're on to her game, and that you don't appreciate the fact that she is using your relationship with her daughter to be emotionally abusive.

    It'll either work, or it won't. Sack up. Don't let her frustrate you to the point that you are reactive, take pre-emptive action. If you just grin and bear it, she'll only pile on more. If you give in, the floodgates will open.

    Soften it up, or not... But stand your ground. Refuse to be spiteful, not matter how much you want to be.
    Last edited by ixtow; 11-17-2011 at 02:12 AM.
    "The fourth man's dark, accusing song had scratched our comfort hard and long..."
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    Regular Member HandyHamlet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bmmd321 View Post
    Any advice???
    Start carrying one on each hip and one in a shoulder holster when around her. Life is short. Embrace the simple pleasures it offers.
    "Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties."
    Abraham Lincoln

    "Some time ago, a bunch of lefties defied the law by dancing at the Jefferson Memorial, resulting in their arrests. Last week, a bunch of them pulled the same stunt and - using patented Lefist techniques - provoked the Park Police into having to use force to arrest them."
    Alexcabbie

  23. #23
    Founder's Club Member ixtow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MAC702 View Post
    Find a picture of a beautiful girl lying dead from a violent attack in a parking lot. The more gruesome, the better. Hand it to her and simply say that you will do everything in your power to keep her daughter from ending up like this.
    Something like that. ;-)
    "The fourth man's dark, accusing song had scratched our comfort hard and long..."
    http://edhelper.com/poetry/The_Hangm...rice_Ogden.htm

    https://gunthreadadapters.com

    "Be not intimidated ... nor suffer yourselves to be wheedled out of your Liberties by any pretense of Politeness, Delicacy, or Decency. These, as they are often used, are but three different names for Hypocrisy, Chicanery, and Cowardice." - John Adams

    Tyranny with Manners is still Tyranny.

  24. #24
    Regular Member DocWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MAC702 View Post
    Find a picture of a beautiful girl lying dead from a violent attack in a parking lot. The more gruesome, the better. Hand it to her and simply say that you will do everything in your power to keep her daughter from ending up like this.
    Suttle....very suttle.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by HandyHamlet View Post
    Start carrying one on each hip and one in a shoulder holster when around her. Life is short. Embrace the simple pleasures it offers.

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