sounds like you are jumping the "gun" on arming yourself. never even held one? well then jumping quickly to carrying one is a little irresponsible and arming yourself is the biggest responsibility you will ever take on. First things first and carrying a gun is not first in your case. get educated on the safe practice of firearms handling. get training and then train repeatedly. after you do that then think about carrying a firearm. that my advice. oops almost left out get educated about the laws as well.