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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1
    Regular Member JTHunter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    In Illinois near St. Louis, MO

    Wink Jokes

    Here are a couple of jokes you might enjoy. We all need to be a little less serious (sometimes).

    The Jewish Tie Salesman

    A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man
    at a small stand, selling ties...

    The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

    The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $25."

    The Taliban shouted, "You Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

    "OK," said the little old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need.

    Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

    Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead, and said:

    "Your brother won't let me in without a tie....."

    or this one - -

    (I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!!)

    A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

    The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

    The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"

    The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

    The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold glass of wine?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?

    The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of wine. "On my bill," he said loudly.

    As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

    Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.

    Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.

    The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability!"

  2. #2
    Regular Member Ironbar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Tigard, Oregon, USA
    --Deleted personal attack--

  3. #3
    Founder's Club Member thebigsd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Quarryville, PA
    Funny ones! Thanks!!
    "When seconds count between living or dying, the police are only minutes away."

  4. #4
    Regular Member MKEgal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    in front of my computer, WI
    Not exactly a joke, but I LOL'd at a line in a TV show last night.

    Clueless non-military person investigating a crime on an Army base (currently in the arms storage area) picks up a metal tube w/ handles & such [about 3' long, 4" diameter], raises it to his face, sights along it, & asks "what is this?"

    To which the large, muscular, Seal-type guy standing nearby answered:
    "It's an anti-tank weapon & you're pointing it at yourself."

    (Yes, I know Seals aren't Army, but you get the picture.)
    Quote Originally Posted by MLK, Jr
    The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort & convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge & controversy.
    Quote Originally Posted by MSG Laigaie
    Citizenship is a verb.
    Quote Originally Posted by Proverbs 27:12
    A prudent person foresees the danger ahead and takes precautions.
    The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.
    Quote Originally Posted by Proverbs 31:17
    She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.

  5. #5
    Regular Member JTHunter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    In Illinois near St. Louis, MO
    The "joke" would have been on that reporter if they had accidentally fired that weapon.
    Last edited by JTHunter; 12-20-2011 at 11:39 PM.

  6. #6
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    LOL.. thanks for sharing the jokes.

  7. #7
    Regular Member SFCRetired's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Montgomery, Alabama, USA
    President Bush was, with his Secret Service detail, walking through an airport when he spots a character with a full beard, white hair, and a long, flowing robe. He asked one of the Secret Service men to find out who the man was. The agent came back and reported that the man identified himself as Moses.

    Mr. Bush walked over and introduced himself. Moses said nothing and wouldn't even look at the President. Mr. Bush tried several times to get a response, with no results. Finally, he quit in disgust and walked away.

    A bystander who had witnessed all this, walked up to Moses and asked, "Why wouldn't you talk to the President?"

    Moses looked at him and said, "The last time I talked to a @#$%^& Bush, I spent forty years in the wilderness!"

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