Results 1 to 24 of 24

Thread: Paraprosdokian

  1. #1
    Moderator / Administrator Grapeshot's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    North Chesterfield, Va.
    Posts
    34,602

    Paraprosdokian

    Definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.


    1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

    2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

    3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

    6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

    8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

    9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

    10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

    11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

    12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

    13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

    14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

    16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

    17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

    18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

    19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

    20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

    21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

    22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

    23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

    24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

    25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

    27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

    28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

    29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

    30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.



    Words of Wisdom:

    "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

    You will not rise to the occasion; you will fall back on your level of training.” Archilochus, 650 BC

    Old and treacherous will beat young and skilled every time. Yata hey.

  2. #2
    Herr Heckler Koch
    Guest

    Procrustean self-reference

    The Bed of Procrustes: Philosophical and Practical Aphorisms, Nassim Nicholas Taleb

    http://www.amazon.com/Bed-Procrustes.../dp/1400069971

    See the Look Inside!
    Quote Originally Posted by NNT
    The difference between technology and slavery is that slaves are fully aware that they are not free.
    Thanks for the deletion keeping the loftier focus in the thread.
    Last edited by Herr Heckler Koch; 01-29-2012 at 10:08 AM.

  3. #3
    Regular Member 1245A Defender's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    north mason county, Washington, USA
    Posts
    4,381

    Wow!

    Thanks grape...

    these are very much like,,, exactly like,,, Yogyisms... yogy berra...

    nobody goes there anymore,,, its too crowded.
    when you get to the fork in the road,,, take it.
    EMNofSeattle wrote: Your idea of freedom terrifies me. So you are actually right. I am perfectly happy with what you call tyranny.....

    “If ever a time should come, when vain and aspiring men shall possess the highest seats in Government, our country will stand in need of its experienced patriots to prevent its ruin.”

    Stand up for your Rights,, They have no authority on their own...

    All power is inherent in the people,
    it is their right and duty to be at all times ARMED!

  4. #4
    Herr Heckler Koch
    Guest

    "...the second mouse gets the cheese."



    --Moderator deleted image - not suitable--


    The guy I cited above, Taleb, cites Yogi Berra's malapropisms regularly.

    https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Yogi_Berra

    Some of us here read Lysander Spooner, but he is not the source of spoonerisms, they come from William Archibald Spooner.
    Last edited by Herr Heckler Koch; 01-29-2012 at 11:07 AM.

  5. #5
    Regular Member OC for ME's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    White Oak Plantation
    Posts
    12,270
    “I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.” — Will Rogers

    “You can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.” — Winston Churchill

    ”It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.” — Winston Churchill

    "By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's I mean." — Mark Twain
    "I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." - Thomas Jefferson.

    "Better that ten guilty persons escape, than that one innocent suffer" - English jurist William Blackstone.
    It is AFAIK original to me. Compromise is failure on the installment plan, particularly when dealing with so intractable an opponent as ignorance. - Nightmare

  6. #6
    Founder's Club Member Brass Magnet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Right Behind You!, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    2,818
    Thanks Grape, I needed that.

    I can imagine Rodney Dangerfield using many of those.
    R[ƎVO˩]UTION

    ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

    Lex malla, lex nulla

  7. #7
    Campaign Veteran since9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA
    Posts
    6,787
    My double quota of grapeshot:

    Quote Originally Posted by Grapeshot View Post
    [TABLE="width: 100%"]
    [TR]
    [TD="width: 100%"] Definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.


    1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
    Idiot's don't actually have experience. If one has managed to convince you of such, they're no longer the idiot. You are.

    2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
    It's never on my list. I have no wish to hurt anyone. Ever. I will, however, do whatever it takes to protect myself and my loved ones and neighbors against unlawful aggression, up to and including the use of deadly force.

    3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
    .

    4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
    If this is in response to a particular post, I get it. If not, I don't.

    5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
    Many of us learn how to conduct ourselves in private, as well. We also retain allowances for behavior involving "being real." They may involve going for a snow roll in the high alpines, but I cannot corroborate such activity definitively, as I've never observed it myself, and only having participated in on one occasion...

    6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
    Yes and no. Depends largely on who's fighting, why, their numbers, experience, technologies, national resolve, resources, and a whole slew of other things well outside my areas of expertise. My advice? Avoid war at most costs. Go to war when your enemy is asking your to give up your way of life.

    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
    I love tomatoes in my fruit salad, along with gourds and other fruits most people consider "vegetables." Just goes to show if people can't tell a fruit from a vegetable, how in the world are they expected to intelligibly vote for the president of the most powerful nation on Earth? We as a nation royally goofed four years ago. Let's not goof this time around.

    8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
    Brian Williams tells you why it's good news, particularly at the end. What he refused to tell you are the decisive anti-Obama stories such as the late Jan ruling by an Alabama Judge against his citizenship, or the upcoming Feb 6 ruling as to his eligilibity to be on the Georgia presidential ballot.

    I've looked VERY deeply into the evidence. My opinion: No. He fails all U.S.C. requirements for citizenship.

    9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
    Ppbblllsh... Do your own research. To improve on another's research is progress.

    10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
    And it goes? Where?

    11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
    We all have goals.

    [quote]12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

    ?

    13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
    Nah. If you don't have the moxie to say it's my fault, it's yours for not having having the moxie to blame me. On the other hand, if you're willing to say "I goofed" when you really did goof, I'll go to bat for you six ways to Sunday, first by helping minimize the damages of whatever you may have done, then by backing you up, provided we were both on the same sheet of music.

    Hey, these are new times. Grow or blow.

    14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
    That's sexist, but I get it. The little downfall I suffered was at the hands of a woman into whose life I've poured 14 years of everything I had. I wasn't perfect, but I wasn't abusive, and was instead kind, caring, considerate, long-suffering, and my reward? My ex tried to get me kicked out of the service.

    Her baggage, not mine (her father once chased her and her siblings out into the corn fields with a loaded firearm while threatening to kill their mother). Think that's baggage? I do. My family was "Leave it to Beaver." I got whooped if I didn't come home by the time Emergency was playing. Two spankings and "ouch!" I got no ice cream while STILL having to finish my homework before bedtime. Ouch!

    I retired at 45, and am giving back to my community every way I can. I credit my father. If your father wasn't so cool, please realize my father retired ten years later in his career than I did, but with three times the income. His father wasn't so caring as mine was, so please don't confuse "caring" for "prosperity." I live in a 1 BR apartment. He lives in a 4 BR house, fully paid-for.

    Grab the clue.

    16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
    This is just sheer liberalistic/marxist/communist fluff. A clear conscience is the sign of a...

    ...clear conscience.

    17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
    By this statement, and what I know of God, you don't know God at all.

    Try again. He's infinitely patient. If you don't succeed, "try, try..."

    18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
    True.

    19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
    True. I'd add I've been far happier in times of want than in times when I was looking for money.

    20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
    Mary had a little lamb.

    Mary kept a little lamb.

    Those of you who can't see the difference between the two will likely wind up on a police blotter.

    21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
    At least you're sure about your indecision.

    22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
    This quote is just gross. A far better quote is "Staying young requires the unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods." - Heinlein

    23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
    I think that's the current tactic of the Orange County or California Police Departments in general. They've murdered a good number of civilians, and the careers of many of their ranks are bust, mostly because of BAD TRAINING from on high. Fix that, and we've fixed a lot of other problems with California.

    24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
    It's never what it was, but my split pea soup comes damn close!

    25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
    Yeah...

    26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
    Or walking into McDonalds makes you a whopper.

    27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
    An American is someone who wishes you well along the way, but shares with you the benefit of their experience so you're not horns-waggled by another country.

    28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
    Amen.

    29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
    I've leave off the tequila, but I can always use the lemon for the fish that goes with the salt and ham.

    30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
    Fire kills life. Water gives life to life. I fight fire with water, in the living words of water of our Savior if I can, in my own words if I can't.

    Words of Wisdom:

    "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
    The better mouse gets the worm, the cheese, and if he's crafty enough, the bird as well as the second mouse.

    Really? You didn't think so? Are you still living in the 15th Century?
    The First protects the Second, and the Second protects the First. Together, they protect the rest of our Bill of Rights and our United States Constitution, and help We the People protect ourselves in the spirit of our Declaration of Independence.

  8. #8
    Regular Member 1245A Defender's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    north mason county, Washington, USA
    Posts
    4,381

    Huh??

    People,,,,

    some dont get IT...

    These are humorous
    they are not acusations
    We dont want or need You to defend yourself or explain their fallacies

    they are are more true than false,,, you should be able to see that!
    that is why they are funny...
    Get over yourself.

    Maybe you could add some funny sayings of your own.
    EMNofSeattle wrote: Your idea of freedom terrifies me. So you are actually right. I am perfectly happy with what you call tyranny.....

    “If ever a time should come, when vain and aspiring men shall possess the highest seats in Government, our country will stand in need of its experienced patriots to prevent its ruin.”

    Stand up for your Rights,, They have no authority on their own...

    All power is inherent in the people,
    it is their right and duty to be at all times ARMED!

  9. #9
    Moderator / Administrator Grapeshot's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    North Chesterfield, Va.
    Posts
    34,602
    Quote Originally Posted by Grapeshot View Post
    Definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

    I thought it was an obvious attempt to show how humor can be used to stimulate thought - never intended to demonstrate an absolute truth.

    Mark Twain and Will Rogers knew the value of stirring the pot with tongue-in-cheek levity. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously - a little break from that can be refreshing.
    You will not rise to the occasion; you will fall back on your level of training.” Archilochus, 650 BC

    Old and treacherous will beat young and skilled every time. Yata hey.

  10. #10
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    SC
    Posts
    1,929
    What they said.
    Last edited by PistolPackingMomma; 02-02-2012 at 09:29 AM.

  11. #11
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Slidell, Louisiana
    Posts
    2,464
    Quote Originally Posted by Grapeshot View Post
    I thought it was an obvious attempt to show how humor can be used to stimulate thought - never intended to demonstrate an absolute truth.

    Mark Twain and Will Rogers knew the value of stirring the pot with tongue-in-cheek levity. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously - a little break from that can be refreshing.
    The humor was unavoidably obvious... However, you're now required to attend sensativity training. :P
    Last edited by georg jetson; 02-02-2012 at 09:37 AM.

  12. #12
    Regular Member DrakeZ07's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Lexington, Ky
    Posts
    1,107
    Quote Originally Posted by Herr Heckler Koch View Post

    --Moderator deleted image - not suitable--

    The guy I cited above, Taleb, cites Yogi Berra's malapropisms regularly.

    https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Yogi_Berra

    Some of us here read Lysander Spooner, but he is not the source of spoonerisms, they come from William Archibald Spooner.
    The picture ... NSFW? or am I looking at it wrong? :O


    --Moderator--
    Quite right, corrected that.
    I'm a proud openly gay open carrier~
    Trained SKYWARN spotter, and veteran Storm Chaser.
    =^.^= ~<3~ =^.^=
    Beware the Pink Camo clad gay redneck.

  13. #13
    Regular Member Outdoorsman1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Silver Lake WI
    Posts
    1,249

    Ok... Here's Mine....

    #31. I thought they were funny, but that's just me.

    Outdoorsman1
    "On the Plains of Hesitation bleach the bones of countless millions who, at the Dawn of Victory, sat down to wait - and waiting, died."

    George Cecil (1891–1970) American advertising copywriter

    Outdoorsman1
    Member: Wisconsin Carry Inc.
    Member: Silver Lake Sportsmans Club
    Wisconsin C.C.W. License Holder
    Utah State Permit Holder.
    Arizona State Permit Holder.

  14. #14
    Campaign Veteran marshaul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Fairfax County, Virginia
    Posts
    11,487
    Quote Originally Posted by since9 View Post
    Idiot's don't actually have experience.
    I'm pretty sure it's reasonable to say that an idiot has plenty of experience being an idiot.

  15. #15
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    America
    Posts
    2,226
    Quote Originally Posted by marshaul View Post
    I'm pretty sure it's reasonable to say that an idiot has plenty of experience being an idiot.
    But how do you know? Do you have experience in this?
    Don't believe any facts that I say! This is the internet and it is filled with lies and untruth. I invite you to look up for yourself the basic facts that my arguments might be based upon. This way we can have a discussion where logic and hints on where to find information are what is brought to the forum and people look up and verify facts for themselves.

  16. #16
    Campaign Veteran marshaul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Fairfax County, Virginia
    Posts
    11,487
    Quote Originally Posted by Daylen View Post
    But how do you know? Do you have experience in this?
    It's a simple deduction.

  17. #17
    Campaign Veteran deepdiver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Southeast, Missouri, USA
    Posts
    5,974
    Quote Originally Posted by Grapeshot View Post
    I thought it was an obvious attempt to show how humor can be used to stimulate thought - never intended to demonstrate an absolute truth.

    Mark Twain and Will Rogers knew the value of stirring the pot with tongue-in-cheek levity. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously - a little break from that can be refreshing.
    +1,000

  18. #18
    Regular Member SFCRetired's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Montgomery, Alabama, USA
    Posts
    1,769
    Quote Originally Posted by Grapeshot View Post
    Mark Twain and Will Rogers knew the value of stirring the pot with tongue-in-cheek levity. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously - a little break from that can be refreshing.
    Amen!! And I do believe Brothers Twain and Rogers will eventually be recognized, if they are not already, as the two greatest American humorists.


    There is one on here who can claim both of them as brother if his avatar is to be believed. At one time, I could have.

    http://www.masonicinfo.com/famous1.htm

  19. #19
    Moderator / Administrator Grapeshot's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    North Chesterfield, Va.
    Posts
    34,602
    Quote Originally Posted by SFCRetired View Post
    Amen!! And I do believe Brothers Twain and Rogers will eventually be recognized, if they are not already, as the two greatest American humorists.


    There is one on here who can claim both of them as brother if his avatar is to be believed. At one time, I could have.

    http://www.masonicinfo.com/famous1.htm
    They apparently traveled in the same circles.
    You will not rise to the occasion; you will fall back on your level of training.” Archilochus, 650 BC

    Old and treacherous will beat young and skilled every time. Yata hey.

  20. #20
    Regular Member OC for ME's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    White Oak Plantation
    Posts
    12,270
    Low humor alarm....danger Will Robinson....danger Will Robinson....

    Three threads experience a low humor alarm in one day. I think mod/admin intervention is needed. (quasi professional help, in a Dr, Phill kind of way)
    "I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." - Thomas Jefferson.

    "Better that ten guilty persons escape, than that one innocent suffer" - English jurist William Blackstone.
    It is AFAIK original to me. Compromise is failure on the installment plan, particularly when dealing with so intractable an opponent as ignorance. - Nightmare

  21. #21
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    , ,
    Posts
    634

    Golly, Grape...,

    That was FUN!!! Thanks for the humor/wisdom/sharing/everything else that you do!

    sidestreet

    Jeremiah 29 vs.11-13

    we are not equal, we will never be equal, but we must be relentless.

  22. #22
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    SEMO, , USA
    Posts
    578
    Quote Originally Posted by SFCRetired View Post
    Amen!! And I do believe Brothers Twain and Rogers will eventually be recognized, if they are not already, as the two greatest American humorists.


    There is one on here who can claim both of them as brother if his avatar is to be believed. At one time, I could have.

    http://www.masonicinfo.com/famous1.htm
    Generally speaking, Once a brother, always a brother. Dues do not bind, Obligations do. Thanks for the link.
    AUDE VIDE TACE

  23. #23
    Campaign Veteran since9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA
    Posts
    6,787
    Quote Originally Posted by 1245A Defender View Post
    We dont want...
    Then don't read.

    Of course they were intended for humor. Regardless of their original intent, however, they make some really good teaching tools.
    The First protects the Second, and the Second protects the First. Together, they protect the rest of our Bill of Rights and our United States Constitution, and help We the People protect ourselves in the spirit of our Declaration of Independence.

  24. #24
    Regular Member 1245A Defender's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    north mason county, Washington, USA
    Posts
    4,381

    well,,,

    Quote Originally Posted by since9 View Post
    Then don't read.

    Of course they were intended for humor. Regardless of their original intent, however, they make some really good teaching tools.
    your detailed responces in post #7 leads me to believe you either dont recognize humor when you see it,
    or you are unable to appreciate when it is given to you to enjoy

    and,
    If I dont read your posts,,, how else would I waste my time...

    back on topic,,,
    You remind me of someone I'm trying to forget.

    When you stop posting here, everyone wont wonder why.

    .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ............
    quoted post #7 for truth

    Idiot's don't actually have experience. If one has managed to convince you of such, they're no longer the idiot. You are.


    2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.


    It's never on my list. I have no wish to hurt anyone. Ever. I will, however, do whatever it takes to protect myself and my loved ones and neighbors against unlawful aggression, up to and including the use of deadly force.


    3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


    .


    4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.


    If this is in response to a particular post, I get it. If not, I don't.


    5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


    Many of us learn how to conduct ourselves in private, as well. We also retain allowances for behavior involving "being real." They may involve going for a snow roll in the high alpines, but I cannot corroborate such activity definitively, as I've never observed it myself, and only having participated in on one occasion...


    6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.


    Yes and no. Depends largely on who's fighting, why, their numbers, experience, technologies, national resolve, resources, and a whole slew of other things well outside my areas of expertise. My advice? Avoid war at most costs. Go to war when your enemy is asking your to give up your way of life.


    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


    I love tomatoes in my fruit salad, along with gourds and other fruits most people consider "vegetables." Just goes to show if people can't tell a fruit from a vegetable, how in the world are they expected to intelligibly vote for the president of the most powerful nation on Earth? We as a nation royally goofed four years ago. Let's not goof this time around.


    8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.


    Brian Williams tells you why it's good news, particularly at the end. What he refused to tell you are the decisive anti-Obama stories such as the late Jan ruling by an Alabama Judge against his citizenship, or the upcoming Feb 6 ruling as to his eligilibity to be on the Georgia presidential ballot.

    I've looked VERY deeply into the evidence. My opinion: No. He fails all U.S.C. requirements for citizenship.


    9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.


    Ppbblllsh... Do your own research. To improve on another's research is progress.


    10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.


    And it goes? Where?


    11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.


    We all have goals.

    [quote]12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

    ?


    13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


    Nah. If you don't have the moxie to say it's my fault, it's yours for not having having the moxie to blame me. On the other hand, if you're willing to say "I goofed" when you really did goof, I'll go to bat for you six ways to Sunday, first by helping minimize the damages of whatever you may have done, then by backing you up, provided we were both on the same sheet of music.

    Hey, these are new times. Grow or blow.


    14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.


    That's sexist, but I get it. The little downfall I suffered was at the hands of a woman into whose life I've poured 14 years of everything I had. I wasn't perfect, but I wasn't abusive, and was instead kind, caring, considerate, long-suffering, and my reward? My ex tried to get me kicked out of the service.

    Her baggage, not mine (her father once chased her and her siblings out into the corn fields with a loaded firearm while threatening to kill their mother). Think that's baggage? I do. My family was "Leave it to Beaver." I got whooped if I didn't come home by the time Emergency was playing. Two spankings and "ouch!" I got no ice cream while STILL having to finish my homework before bedtime. Ouch!

    I retired at 45, and am giving back to my community every way I can. I credit my father. If your father wasn't so cool, please realize my father retired ten years later in his career than I did, but with three times the income. His father wasn't so caring as mine was, so please don't confuse "caring" for "prosperity." I live in a 1 BR apartment. He lives in a 4 BR house, fully paid-for.

    Grab the clue.


    16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.


    This is just sheer liberalistic/marxist/communist fluff. A clear conscience is the sign of a...

    ...clear conscience.


    17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.


    By this statement, and what I know of God, you don't know God at all.

    Try again. He's infinitely patient. If you don't succeed, "try, try..."


    18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.


    True.


    19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.


    True. I'd add I've been far happier in times of want than in times when I was looking for money.


    20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.


    Mary had a little lamb.

    Mary kept a little lamb.

    Those of you who can't see the difference between the two will likely wind up on a police blotter.


    21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.


    At least you're sure about your indecision.


    22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.


    This quote is just gross. A far better quote is "Staying young requires the unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods." - Heinlein


    23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.


    I think that's the current tactic of the Orange County or California Police Departments in general. They've murdered a good number of civilians, and the careers of many of their ranks are bust, mostly because of BAD TRAINING from on high. Fix that, and we've fixed a lot of other problems with California.


    24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.


    It's never what it was, but my split pea soup comes damn close!


    25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


    Yeah...


    26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


    Or walking into McDonalds makes you a whopper.


    27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.


    An American is someone who wishes you well along the way, but shares with you the benefit of their experience so you're not horns-waggled by another country.


    28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.


    Amen.


    29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.


    I've leave off the tequila, but I can always use the lemon for the fish that goes with the salt and ham.


    30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.


    Fire kills life. Water gives life to life. I fight fire with water, in the living words of water of our Savior if I can, in my own words if I can't.


    Words of Wisdom:

    "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."


    The better mouse gets the worm, the cheese, and if he's crafty enough, the bird as well as the second mouse.

    Really? You didn't think so? Are you still living in the 15th Century?
    Last edited by 1245A Defender; 02-07-2012 at 09:28 PM.
    EMNofSeattle wrote: Your idea of freedom terrifies me. So you are actually right. I am perfectly happy with what you call tyranny.....

    “If ever a time should come, when vain and aspiring men shall possess the highest seats in Government, our country will stand in need of its experienced patriots to prevent its ruin.”

    Stand up for your Rights,, They have no authority on their own...

    All power is inherent in the people,
    it is their right and duty to be at all times ARMED!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •