well,,,
Then don't read.
Of course they were intended for humor. Regardless of their original intent, however, they make some really good teaching tools.
your detailed responces in post #7 leads me to believe you either dont recognize humor when you see it,
or you are unable to appreciate when it is given to you to enjoy
and,
If I dont read your posts,,, how else would I waste my time...
back on topic,,,
You remind me of someone I'm trying to forget.
When you stop posting here, everyone wont wonder why.
..................................................................................................................................................................
quoted post #7 for truth
Idiot's don't actually have experience. If one has managed to convince you of such, they're no longer the idiot. You are.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
It's never on my list. I have no wish to hurt anyone. Ever. I will, however, do whatever it takes to protect myself and my loved ones and neighbors against unlawful aggression, up to and including the use of deadly force.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
If this is in response to a particular post, I get it. If not, I don't.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Many of us learn how to conduct ourselves in private, as well. We also retain allowances for behavior involving "being real." They may involve going for a snow roll in the high alpines, but I cannot corroborate such activity definitively, as I've never observed it myself, and only having participated in on one occasion...
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Yes and no. Depends largely on who's fighting, why, their numbers, experience, technologies, national resolve, resources, and a whole slew of other things well outside my areas of expertise. My advice? Avoid war at most costs. Go to war when your enemy is asking your to give up your way of life.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I love tomatoes in my fruit salad, along with gourds and other fruits most people consider "vegetables." Just goes to show if people can't tell a fruit from a vegetable, how in the world are they expected to intelligibly vote for the president of the most powerful nation on Earth? We as a nation royally goofed four years ago. Let's not goof this time around.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Brian Williams tells you why it's good news, particularly at the end. What he refused to tell you are the decisive anti-Obama stories such as the late Jan ruling by an Alabama Judge against his citizenship, or the upcoming Feb 6 ruling as to his eligilibity to be on the Georgia presidential ballot.
I've looked VERY deeply into the evidence. My opinion: No. He fails all U.S.C. requirements for citizenship.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Ppbblllsh... Do your own research.
To improve on another's research is progress.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
And it goes? Where?
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
We all have goals.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
?
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Nah. If you don't have the moxie to say it's my fault, it's yours for not having having the moxie to blame me. On the other hand, if you're willing to say "I goofed" when you really did goof, I'll go to bat for you six ways to Sunday, first by helping minimize the damages of whatever you may have done, then by backing you up, provided we were both on the same sheet of music.
Hey, these are new times. Grow or blow.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
That's sexist, but I get it. The little downfall I suffered was at the hands of a woman into whose life I've poured 14 years of everything I had. I wasn't perfect, but I wasn't abusive, and was instead kind, caring, considerate, long-suffering, and my reward? My ex tried to get me kicked out of the service.
Her baggage, not mine (her father once chased her and her siblings out into the corn fields with a loaded firearm while threatening to kill their mother). Think that's baggage? I do. My family was "Leave it to Beaver." I got whooped if I didn't come home by the time Emergency was playing. Two spankings and "ouch!" I got no ice cream while STILL having to finish my homework before bedtime. Ouch!
I retired at 45, and am giving back to my community every way I can. I credit my father. If your father wasn't so cool, please realize my father retired ten years later in his career than I did, but with three times the income. His father wasn't so caring as mine was, so please don't confuse "caring" for "prosperity." I live in a 1 BR apartment. He lives in a 4 BR house, fully paid-for.
Grab the clue.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
This is just sheer liberalistic/marxist/communist fluff. A clear conscience is the sign of a...
...clear conscience.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
By this statement, and what I know of God, you don't know God at all.
Try again. He's infinitely patient. If you don't succeed, "try, try..."
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
True.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
True. I'd add I've been far happier in times of want than in times when I was looking for money.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
Mary had a little lamb.
Mary kept a little lamb.
Those of you who can't see the difference between the two will likely wind up on a police blotter.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
At least you're sure about your indecision.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
This quote is just gross. A far better quote is "Staying young requires the unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods." - Heinlein
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
I think that's the current tactic of the Orange County or California Police Departments in general. They've murdered a good number of civilians, and the careers of many of their ranks are bust, mostly because of BAD TRAINING from on high. Fix that, and we've fixed a lot of other problems with California.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
It's never what it was, but my split pea soup comes damn close!
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Yeah...
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Or walking into McDonalds makes you a whopper.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
An American is someone who wishes you well along the way, but shares with you the benefit of their experience so you're not horns-waggled by another country.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
Amen.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
I've leave off the tequila, but I can always use the lemon for the fish that goes with the salt and ham.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Fire kills life. Water gives life to life. I fight fire with water, in the living words of water of our Savior if I can, in my own words if I can't.
Words of Wisdom:
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
The better mouse gets the worm, the cheese, and if he's crafty enough, the bird as well as the second mouse.
Really? You didn't think so? Are you still living in the 15th Century?
