Jack House
Regular Member
We all know about the whack job doomsday theorists that peg the end of the world on, or beginning on, December 21st. What we don't know is how right they are.
You see, something else happens this year. It's the presidential elections. What no one yet realizes is that they will be pushed back to December 21st. On that day, either myself or Obama shall be elected. If either party is elected, it will without doubt mean the beginning of the end for the world.
For you see, if I am elected president. I shall immediately proceed to build up our armed forces. Once I am feel are good and ready, I wont waste time declaring war on Australia. Because damned those Aussies! Besides, I'm fairly confident they'll just surrender. I'll promise them a carrot and some beer. And Aussies love their beer. Also, I'll let them duke it out with New Zealand, so they can have their beer day. We all know the Australians day dream constantly about the day they get to declare war on New Zealand.
[video=youtube;773aoMo7hPE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=773aoMo7hPE[/video]
At this point I feel I should apologize to a few people. Haz, other Haz, the millions of Matthews I know that live in Australia because Australians love the name Matthew or something; I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I am going to point big scary guns and bombs and missiles and a giant robot bald eagle that shoots lasers out of it's beak. I'd rather not do it, but I am not sure that offering Australia freedom from the tyranny of Britain is enough of an incentive to become America's shock troopers. Also, I'm sorry for using you guys as shock troopers in my war on everything Jack doesn't like at the moment. I love you guys, really. You're all like brothers to me. But you all fight so well.
And Kayla and all the other kiwis out there. I'm sorry for just handing you over to the Australians. I promise they wont hit you too hard and if they do, just offer them some beer. Y'all can become besties! At anyrate, it just has to be done.
Now, back to my presidency. With the Australians as my shock troopers and kiwis playing host to the Aussies, I shall then declare war on.... Someone. Not sure who yet, maybe France? Just 'cause. I want to be reelected, and if Iron Sky is going to teach me anything, it's that presidents that declare war in their first term get reelected. Also that there are Nazis on the moon building an armada to attack earth. So I guess my next move should be to nuke the moon out of the sky. No one likes Nazis, especially not space Nazis. Although that one Nazi chick is kinda hot. Hmmmm.
Continued in reply
You see, something else happens this year. It's the presidential elections. What no one yet realizes is that they will be pushed back to December 21st. On that day, either myself or Obama shall be elected. If either party is elected, it will without doubt mean the beginning of the end for the world.
For you see, if I am elected president. I shall immediately proceed to build up our armed forces. Once I am feel are good and ready, I wont waste time declaring war on Australia. Because damned those Aussies! Besides, I'm fairly confident they'll just surrender. I'll promise them a carrot and some beer. And Aussies love their beer. Also, I'll let them duke it out with New Zealand, so they can have their beer day. We all know the Australians day dream constantly about the day they get to declare war on New Zealand.
[video=youtube;773aoMo7hPE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=773aoMo7hPE[/video]
At this point I feel I should apologize to a few people. Haz, other Haz, the millions of Matthews I know that live in Australia because Australians love the name Matthew or something; I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I am going to point big scary guns and bombs and missiles and a giant robot bald eagle that shoots lasers out of it's beak. I'd rather not do it, but I am not sure that offering Australia freedom from the tyranny of Britain is enough of an incentive to become America's shock troopers. Also, I'm sorry for using you guys as shock troopers in my war on everything Jack doesn't like at the moment. I love you guys, really. You're all like brothers to me. But you all fight so well.
And Kayla and all the other kiwis out there. I'm sorry for just handing you over to the Australians. I promise they wont hit you too hard and if they do, just offer them some beer. Y'all can become besties! At anyrate, it just has to be done.
Now, back to my presidency. With the Australians as my shock troopers and kiwis playing host to the Aussies, I shall then declare war on.... Someone. Not sure who yet, maybe France? Just 'cause. I want to be reelected, and if Iron Sky is going to teach me anything, it's that presidents that declare war in their first term get reelected. Also that there are Nazis on the moon building an armada to attack earth. So I guess my next move should be to nuke the moon out of the sky. No one likes Nazis, especially not space Nazis. Although that one Nazi chick is kinda hot. Hmmmm.
Continued in reply
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