• We are now running on a new, and hopefully much-improved, server. In addition we are also on new forum software. Any move entails a lot of technical details and I suspect we will encounter a few issues as the new server goes live. Please be patient with us. It will be worth it! :) Please help by posting all issues here.
  • The forum will be down for about an hour this weekend for maintenance. I apologize for the inconvenience.
  • If you are having trouble seeing the forum then you may need to clear your browser's DNS cache. Click here for instructions on how to do that
  • Please review the Forum Rules frequently as we are constantly trying to improve the forum for our members and visitors.

I Need Help With My Parents...

str3ngthz

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
23
Location
Sapin
Hello everyone.

I have a slight dilemma involving my parents. So my mother is pretty much anti-gun, but my father and I absolutely love firearms, since we own many, and our right to own them. HOWEVER BOTH of my parents are totally against open carry. In fact, we got into a huge argument about the need for open carry. My parents argued that it "attracts the wrong attention and makes you a target", while I argue that the carrying of firearms, openly or concealed, deters crime, and saves people from being robbed or murdered by some tyrannical nutjob. I'm shocked... How can someone, like my father, LOVE firearms, but disagree with his right to carry them!??? We live in Tucson Arizona, in fact, we live less than 10 miles from that mass shooting spree at that Safeway parking lot where Jared Loughner took the lives of >6 innocent people and injured >14 others(I think those were the numbers). In fact, I attend the SAME Community College Jared Loughner himself attended, so violent crime isn't nonexistent out here. I argue that if at least one person among that crowd had a firearm, Jared Loughner most likely wouldn't have killed as many people as he did, but my parents STILL think it would have ended up worse if someone else, even a good guy, had a firearm for self-defense. I explain to them; that's why you spend a lot of time at the range, removing your firearm from it's holster, and target shooting at several yards etc. Unfortunately they ALWAYS cut me off so I never have enough time to argue my point.
I need help convincing my parents that open carry can be a good thing as long as you remain a respectable and friendly person, while taking the responsibility of integrity, abide by state and federal laws, and most importantly: TRAIN intensively to effectively defend yourself, and/or those around you from Unlawful deadly physical force and/or robbery.
Btw I'm 19 and I OC almost everywhere I go, however I've temporarily stopped because I don't want to disobey my parents.
Any advice for me?

Once again I want to RESPECTIVELY argue in favor of Open carry/Conceal carry, but I do NOT want to disobey my parents.
Thank you in advance!

(Smith & Wesson Sigma .40 cal. (SW40VE) is my carry handgun for those wondering)
 

since9

Campaign Veteran
Joined
Jan 14, 2010
Messages
6,964
Location
Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA
HOWEVER BOTH of my parents are totally against open carry. In fact, we got into a huge argument about the need for open carry. My parents argued that it "attracts the wrong attention and makes you a target", while I argue that the carrying of firearms, openly or concealed, deters crime, and saves people from being robbed or murdered by some tyrannical nutjob.

I'm 48, and my parents were somewhat along the same lines, Lol.

I argue...

Doesn't work, does it? I simply joined them for dinner one night while OCing. The didn't even know I was carrying until I went to the restroom. When they observed it was no big deal, they warmed to future such foreys.

...that if at least one person among that crowd had a firearm, Jared Loughner most likely wouldn't have killed as many people as he did...

Thing of it is, at least one person was carrying. Problem was, he wasn't in the crowd, but in an adjacent grocery store. When the shots rang out, he came out running, but Jarend had already been tackled by the time he arrived to pin down one of the nutjob's flailing limbs.

I need help convincing my parents that open carry can be a good thing...

Stop trying so hard. Just point them here.

Btw I'm 19...

Then tell them: "Mom, Dad, I love you both. You've done well, and now I am a man. While I respect your advice, please respect my will and my right to choose my own path from here on out. Thanks."
 

str3ngthz

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
23
Location
Sapin
I'm 48, and my parents were somewhat along the same lines, Lol.



Doesn't work, does it? I simply joined them for dinner one night while OCing. The didn't even know I was carrying until I went to the restroom. When they observed it was no big deal, they warmed to future such foreys.



Thing of it is, at least one person was carrying. Problem was, he wasn't in the crowd, but in an adjacent grocery store. When the shots rang out, he came out running, but Jarend had already been tackled by the time he arrived to pin down one of the nutjob's flailing limbs.



Stop trying so hard. Just point them here.



Then tell them: "Mom, Dad, I love you both. You've done well, and now I am a man. While I respect your advice, please respect my will and my right to choose my own path from here on out. Thanks."
Problem is I still live at home with them and they have this "You'll do whatever I tell you to do" attitude :banghead:
 

sharkey

Regular Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2010
Messages
1,064
Location
Arizona
Problem is I still live at home with them and they have this "You'll do whatever I tell you to do" attitude :banghead:

Not to be a jerk but if you are mature enough to carry you're mature enough to move out.

Guns/weapons are usually an emotional issue and all the statistics that we an provide you will be of no use. Only advice that may work is for you to take them to an OC event where they can see people other than you carrying. That way they're getting a third party viewpoint. When it comes to me and my son I'm always right whether I am or not. It's a parent thing.

[video=youtube;jW3PFC86UNI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW3PFC86UNI&ob=av2e[/video]
 
Last edited:

Large Caliber Kick

Regular Member
Joined
May 13, 2010
Messages
224
Location
Mooresville, North Carolina, United States
Problem is I still live at home with them and they have this "You'll do whatever I tell you to do" attitude :banghead:

Not to be a jerk but if you are mature enough to carry you're mature enough to move out.

Guns/weapons are usually an emotional issue and all the statistics that we an provide you will be of no use. Only advice that may work is for you to take them to an OC event where they can see people other than you carrying. That way they're getting a third party viewpoint. When it comes to me and my son I'm always right whether I am or not. It's a parent thing.

Str3ngthz, I too still live at home with my folks because I am physically disabled to the point that I can't hold a job, I understand and agree with your desire to obey your parents. My folks didn't take it well when I started to stand up for what I believed in at your age. Some matters aren't important enough to strain the parent/child relationship with. Others are and I stood my ground. I'm 26 now and my mother Is still an anti but respects that it is my right. My father is neutral and doesn't mind if I oc in public with him.

I tried to persuade them with logic and facts, but that doesn't work. At the end of the day it took them observing me going about my days as a responsible, law abiding, gun toting, US citizen. So stand up for your rights. Don't argue, just do it. (As if they haven't fed you that last sentence over and over.)

Btw, I too carry a SW40VE. Inexpensive, reliable, hits a silhouette.
 

str3ngthz

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
23
Location
Sapin
Not to be a jerk but if you are mature enough to carry you're mature enough to move out.

[video=youtube;jW3PFC86UNI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW3PFC86UNI&ob=av2e[/video]

Thanks man. The only problem is I make a slave wage $8/HR and I attend college full time, so there is no way, at that wage, I'll ever be able to move out.
 

Baked on Grease

Regular Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2011
Messages
629
Location
Sterling, Va.
Thanks man. The only problem is I make a slave wage $8/HR and I attend college full time, so there is no way, at that wage, I'll ever be able to move out.

Here's the deal I made with my parents: while in your house, I abide by your rules of the house. Your control over me ends at the doorway. I will not carry while inside or doing yard work if you so wish, but my life is precious to me and I will carry to protect myself while I am away from the house.

Actualy, I moved away from my parents on 8$/hr myself, couldn't stand them trying to control my every action. Had to get a roomate to share rent and missed quite a few meals in between paychecks. But my parents finally understood that I was my own man, not their baby. Not saying you should mind you, but that's what it took for my parents. I also didn't go to college right away, so I was able to work more than you would be abke to.

Also, I still went out for dinner with them feom time to time and the first time they didn't even notice it till we got up to leave.

Don't try to convince them to carry, just assert your right to carry for yourself. At first at least.

Sent using tapatalk
 

SouthernBoy

Regular Member
Joined
May 12, 2007
Messages
5,837
Location
Western Prince William County, Virginia, USA
Here's the deal I made with my parents: while in your house, I abide by your rules of the house. Your control over me ends at the doorway. I will not carry while inside or doing yard work if you so wish, but my life is precious to me and I will carry to protect myself while I am away from the house.

Actualy, I moved away from my parents on 8$/hr myself, couldn't stand them trying to control my every action. Had to get a roomate to share rent and missed quite a few meals in between paychecks. But my parents finally understood that I was my own man, not their baby. Not saying you should mind you, but that's what it took for my parents. I also didn't go to college right away, so I was able to work more than you would be abke to.

Also, I still went out for dinner with them feom time to time and the first time they didn't even notice it till we got up to leave.

Don't try to convince them to carry, just assert your right to carry for yourself. At first at least.

Sent using tapatalk

This!

Abide by their rules while on their property, whether you live there or not. Once you are outside of their property, you are on your own.
 

Oramac

Regular Member
Joined
May 25, 2009
Messages
572
Location
St Louis, Mo
I've been in more or less that same position, except it was with my girlfriend (at the time) instead of my parents.

Try starting with concealed carry. It's generally less "threatening" to a person who is anti or neutral.

Also never argue. Ask questions. "Don't you think....", "Isn't it best if...", "Do you believe...", "Is it right that...", etc. When you ask questions, you get their emotions working for you, and you can sometimes even convince them that it's their idea. (Though probably not in this case.)

One thing that helped convince my GF was that I simply carried around her for a couple weeks, then, when she was in a good mood, told her that I had been carrying the last 2 weeks (or w/e time frame you decide is right).
 
Last edited:

BillHoo

Regular Member
Joined
Nov 23, 2010
Messages
56
Location
Vienna, VA
Hehe

If that's all it takes to get the kid to find a job and move out of the house....I'll have to remember that one when it's time for my kid!
 

DangerClose

Regular Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2011
Messages
570
Location
The mean streets of WI
I argue that if at least one person among that crowd had a firearm, Jared Loughner most likely wouldn't have killed as many people as he did, but my parents STILL think it would have ended up worse if someone else, even a good guy, had a firearm for self-defense. I explain to them; that's why you spend a lot of time at the range, removing your firearm from it's holster, and target shooting at several yards etc. Unfortunately they ALWAYS cut me off so I never have enough time to argue my point.
I'd ask how an armed, lawful citizen could possibly make things worse when an armed, unlawful crazy guy is loaded for bear and killing everyone he wants to. What, the two would have a big shootout and some innocent person might get hit? The innocent people are already getting hit.

They must think police get magical gun training and are magical sharpshooters. Who can stop a bad guy with a gun? A good guy with a gun.

What does your dad think about hunting? If he's ok with hunting, I'd ask him if it's ok that you carry your gun as long as you wear blaze orange.

If they ALWAYS cut you off, then ask them to not cut you off. If they continue to cut you off, then I'd start not discussing subjects with them they cut me off on.

I notice you said your parents don't like open carry because it attracts the wrong attention and makes you a target -- which is actually a fair point. Is there a reason you don't just CC then? Age limit in Arizona or something? Or maybe you wrote "open carry" but meant "open or concealed carry" they don't like. Regardless, if they pull the "it draws attention and makes you a target" reasoning, then just say, "Fair enough. How about concealed carry then? It draws zero attention." If they start hemming and hawing, go from there, I guess.
 

str3ngthz

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
23
Location
Sapin
I'd ask how an armed, lawful citizen could possibly make things worse when an armed, unlawful crazy guy is loaded for bear and killing everyone he wants to. What, the two would have a big shootout and some innocent person might get hit? The innocent people are already getting hit.

They must think police get magical gun training and are magical sharpshooters. Who can stop a bad guy with a gun? A good guy with a gun.

What does your dad think about hunting? If he's ok with hunting, I'd ask him if it's ok that you carry your gun as long as you wear blaze orange.

If they ALWAYS cut you off, then ask them to not cut you off. If they continue to cut you off, then I'd start not discussing subjects with them they cut me off on.

I notice you said your parents don't like open carry because it attracts the wrong attention and makes you a target -- which is actually a fair point. Is there a reason you don't just CC then? Age limit in Arizona or something? Or maybe you wrote "open carry" but meant "open or concealed carry" they don't like. Regardless, if they pull the "it draws attention and makes you a target" reasoning, then just say, "Fair enough. How about concealed carry then? It draws zero attention." If they start hemming and hawing, go from there, I guess.

Yes in AZ you have to be 21 to CC and 'm only 19. Thanks for the input by the way. And my dad LOVES hunting as much as I do. But I agree with you and everyone else. I'll just do it until they get over it.
 

Grapeshot

Legendary Warrior
Joined
May 21, 2006
Messages
35,317
Location
Valhalla
...snip...
I notice you said your parents don't like open carry because it attracts the wrong attention and makes you a target -- which is actually a fair point.
....snip.....
How about concealed carry then? It draws zero attention." If they start hemming and hawing, go from there, I guess.

Neither a valid nor fair point at all. At best it is repeating an urban myth. In my years following these threads, only 2 have ever been reported - one was proved false and the other appears to have been set up by the victim for a gun snatch.

Standard challenge: Show me one (1) verifiable cite where an OCer has ever in modern times either been preemptively taken out or had his/her gun snatched (LEOs, security and military excluded) any where in these United States. Will it happen sometime somewhere? Probably, but when it does the percentage ratio of such will look a lot like .00001%.

CCers on the other hand look just like any other member of the flock = a potential victim and are IMHO much more likely to be faced with a decision that portends harm to someone. OC sends the message that you are NOT an easy mark - that there is no free lunch here to the BGs.

To the OP - understand you dilemma - you want to carry, but want to honor your parents wishes. You offer logic/fact - they respond with emotion. Hope you can convince them that you are both right and responsible - otherwise you have some difficult choices to make and those will be entirely up to you. Nobody can really decide for you. Best of luck.
 

hermannr

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 24, 2011
Messages
2,327
Location
Okanogan Highland
Well, I'm not in your age bracket, (we just went to a grandson's wedding) but I will give you a view from an old person's perspective, OK?

It does not matter how old you are, 4 or 40, you will always be your mother's ""baby", especially if you are the youngest in a large family. It is a form of denial...They do want to see themselves growning older, and as they see their youngest grow, they suppress that they also are growing older. Basically a woman thing, but some men have this problem too.

A second thing is like my wife and I were both "good kids" when we were young. Never in trouble with the law, or at school and we didn't go off and do dumb things. When you are a "good kid" your parents leash on you is usually quite loose, and you will tend to do the same with your own kids. It is a trust thing. Our rules at home with our five daughters was respect your mother, no backtalk allowed, keep your own space (room) clean and do your chores. If they did that, we did not interfere with their social life.

Granted some parents are very controlling (again, especially mothers, but can be either or both). A lot of it has to do with how they were raised, and how wild their parents were. We had one "wild child" and she is extremely strict with her three boys.

So, now, what to do about your particular problem. I would suggest you read: http://jpfo.org/filegen-n-z/ragingagainstselfdefense.htm

Try to figure out where your parents are in this writing and discuss (not argue) what is in the article. I would see where they place themselves, you may be able to find out why they really do not want you to carry. remember, "argue" will never work,,,OK?
 

DangerClose

Regular Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2011
Messages
570
Location
The mean streets of WI
Standard challenge: Show me one (1) verifiable cite where an OCer has ever in modern times either been preemptively taken out or had his/her gun snatched (LEOs, security and military excluded) any where in these United States.
Why are LEOs and security excluded? Don't criminals know they are armed and may neutralize them first because of it?

Regardless of that, "attracts the wrong attention and makes you a target" also referred to regular people and cops. In many areas, OC gets you hassled; sometimes majorly hassled.
 

Oramac

Regular Member
Joined
May 25, 2009
Messages
572
Location
St Louis, Mo
why they really do not want you to carry.

A very good point. To paraphrase an excellent book on selling (which is basically what you're doing):

"Most people have two reasons they are against buying a product [in this case, accepting a viewpoint]. The real reason, and the reason that sounds good. They will almost always stick like glue to the one that sounds good, but will not be convinced until the real reason is addressed. I've [Frank Bettger] found that complimenting their reason and then asking for an additional reason works well to find the true reason they are against it. For example, 'You make a very good point, Mr. X. Now, in addition to that isn't there some other reason you're hesitant to buy such and such?'" - ["How I Raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling" - Frank Bettger]

The phrase "in addition to that" is key here. It helps maintain that they are right in their "sounds good" reason, but also allows them to state their real reason.
 
Last edited:

Grapeshot

Legendary Warrior
Joined
May 21, 2006
Messages
35,317
Location
Valhalla
Why are LEOs and security excluded? Don't criminals know they are armed and may neutralize them first because of it?

Regardless of that, "attracts the wrong attention and makes you a target" also referred to regular people and cops. In many areas, OC gets you hassled; sometimes majorly hassled.

One, because that is the way the original challenge was written. Two, because LEOs, security, and military are in the business of making an offensive response; whereas we are defensively inclined.

I was talking about "target" as a physical attack/shooting.

Insofar as being hassled (verbally?), that seemed outside of what the OP's discussion entailed. Even if included, are we to hide our guns for fear of some minor discomfort? I don't argue with unreasonable people - I just walk away. If the discomfort becomes great enough, I have a lawyer that says I can be compensated accordingly.
 

skidmark

Campaign Veteran
Joined
Jan 15, 2007
Messages
10,444
Location
Valhalla
Why are LEOs and security excluded? Don't criminals know they are armed and may neutralize them first because of it?

Regardless of that, "attracts the wrong attention and makes you a target" also referred to regular people and cops. In many areas, OC gets you hassled; sometimes majorly hassled.

Those folks are excluded because they spend a great deal of their time intentionally interacting with BGs and intentionally being in places where BGs are expected to be.

Us "regular folks" generally try to operate with the "3 stupids" rule - don't go to stupid places with stupid people to do stupid things. We drive around the "bad" part of town instead of driving down the worst street in town with the doors unlocked and the wndows rolled down. When we hear gunshots we generally hunker down behind available cover or leave the area instead of rushing straight towards the sound of the guns. When it looks like a difference of opinion will escalate into a physical confrontation we generally try to defuse, de-scalate or depart instead of striking an authoritative pose, start issuing orders in our "command voice" and otherwise challenging the other party to put up or shut up.

As for your statement that OCing in many areas gets the person hassled - well, that's an issue we address as it happens. And that's part of the reason there is a "community" of OCers as opposed to a bunch of folks out there on their own with no support. OCing where it is legal should not automatically result in getting hassled because the person doing the hassling does not like the notion of OCing. It goes back to the root of gun control itself -- little to do with guns and everything to do with control.

stay safe.

PS - I was writing this while Grapeshot posted his response.
 
Last edited:

Daylen

Regular Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2010
Messages
2,223
Location
America
Hello everyone.

I have a slight dilemma involving my parents. So my mother is pretty much anti-gun, but my father and I absolutely love firearms, since we own many, and our right to own them. HOWEVER BOTH of my parents are totally against open carry. In fact, we got into a huge argument about the need for open carry. My parents argued that it "attracts the wrong attention and makes you a target", while I argue that the carrying of firearms, openly or concealed, deters crime, and saves people from being robbed or murdered by some tyrannical nutjob. I'm shocked... How can someone, like my father, LOVE firearms, but disagree with his right to carry them!??? We live in Tucson Arizona, in fact, we live less than 10 miles from that mass shooting spree at that Safeway parking lot where Jared Loughner took the lives of >6 innocent people and injured >14 others(I think those were the numbers). In fact, I attend the SAME Community College Jared Loughner himself attended, so violent crime isn't nonexistent out here. I argue that if at least one person among that crowd had a firearm, Jared Loughner most likely wouldn't have killed as many people as he did, but my parents STILL think it would have ended up worse if someone else, even a good guy, had a firearm for self-defense. I explain to them; that's why you spend a lot of time at the range, removing your firearm from it's holster, and target shooting at several yards etc. Unfortunately they ALWAYS cut me off so I never have enough time to argue my point.
I need help convincing my parents that open carry can be a good thing as long as you remain a respectable and friendly person, while taking the responsibility of integrity, abide by state and federal laws, and most importantly: TRAIN intensively to effectively defend yourself, and/or those around you from Unlawful deadly physical force and/or robbery.
Btw I'm 19 and I OC almost everywhere I go, however I've temporarily stopped because I don't want to disobey my parents.
Any advice for me?

Once again I want to RESPECTIVELY argue in favor of Open carry/Conceal carry, but I do NOT want to disobey my parents.
Thank you in advance!

(Smith & Wesson Sigma .40 cal. (SW40VE) is my carry handgun for those wondering)

You're 19 and you still worry about obedience? Until you are your own person and take full responsibility and authority for yourself and your actions I would suggest CC or NC. OC, CC or NC is a choice and thus opinion, not fact; meaning none are correct or incorrect. An argument can not be "won" as such. The only argument that can be won on the subject is about the legality, constitutional protections, natural right and/or privilege of OC, CC or NC.
 
Top