Father tells me that I'm not welcome around him while I have my gun in my possession

[solus]

Grim night, let's put this into perspective ~ from you own posts, your entire family is and has been dysfunctional your entire life.Why on earth do you believe this incident is any different than the other situations which have arisen in your past and i hope you understand they will likely continue in your future.

by your own admission, this is not your father's home. apparently you even lack foresight into your father's living situation since: quote " I hadn't eve seen them before entering the house..." (sic) & "I was there helping my father to bring things in from the car." unquote

did you drop your father off at some type of adult caregiving facility? But as you state, it is not your father's home and as has been stated out here, everyone has their own house rules.

since this is this apparently new behaviour from your father who is now living with this 'couple'? is he paying for room and board? have they taken him in as a favor to the state to preclude your father walking the streets with a shopping cart and sleeping under bridges and eating at soup kitchens?

personally, i would be worried about your father's living arrangements since you flat out state he relayed a significant message to you about his concern for his well being: quote "He feels that he doesn't want his life to be threatened by other people that may see me with my firearm and may decide to do me harm and him getting caught in the crossfire..." unquote

if those are his exact words and not not something you believe he said, they should not be taken lightly by anyone as those are not words spoken by a father to his son just to get the son to quit OC'g. hey son knock off the OC'g while at so and so's house, or grim i have been asked by my caregiver to ask you not to OC while here, etc. Not, oh i fear for my life and worried about the exchange of lead between everyone!!

finally, if you discern he is in a save haven and you 'misheard' his comment and you have a semi amiable relationship, why in the world are you being so sensitive at this juncture? this is s singular comment and possibly should be taken as your breath stinks, you look horrible, etc., and quit brooding on the comments since he is living in someone else's home which you now know you are not welcome in 'with your gun'!!

bottom line, quit your bellyaching and ask your father why the change of heart but me thinks there is more than meets the eye, eh Grim?
ipse

 

[325rto]

Grim night, let's put this into perspective ~ from you own posts, your entire family is and has been dysfunctional your entire life.Why on earth do you believe this incident is any different than the other situations which have arisen in your past and i hope you understand they will likely continue in your future.

by your own admission, this is not your father's home. apparently you even lack foresight into your father's living situation since: quote " I hadn't eve seen them before entering the house..." (sic) & "I was there helping my father to bring things in from the car." unquote

did you drop your father off at some type of adult caregiving facility? But as you state, it is not your father's home and as has been stated out here, everyone has their own house rules.

since this is this apparently new behaviour from your father who is now living with this 'couple'? is he paying for room and board? have they taken him in as a favor to the state to preclude your father walking the streets with a shopping cart and sleeping under bridges and eating at soup kitchens?

personally, i would be worried about your father's living arrangements since you flat out state he relayed a significant message to you about his concern for his well being: quote "He feels that he doesn't want his life to be threatened by other people that may see me with my firearm and may decide to do me harm and him getting caught in the crossfire..." unquote

if those are his exact words and not not something you believe he said, they should not be taken lightly by anyone as those are not words spoken by a father to his son just to get the son to quit OC'g. hey son knock off the OC'g while at so and so's house, or grim i have been asked by my caregiver to ask you not to OC while here, etc. Not, oh i fear for my life and worried about the exchange of lead between everyone!!

finally, if you discern he is in a save haven and you 'misheard' his comment and you have a semi amiable relationship, why in the world are you being so sensitive at this juncture? this is s singular comment and possibly should be taken as your breath stinks, you look horrible, etc., and quit brooding on the comments since he is living in someone else's home which you now know you are not welcome in 'with your gun'!!

bottom line, quit your bellyaching and ask your father why the change of heart but me thinks there is more than meets the eye, eh Grim?
ipse

Excellent post.

 

[MSG Laigaie]

why does your dad have to live with those people anyway,..........

I think the root of this evil may be an outside influence on your Father. If you live with anti-gun people and are bombarded by their rhetoric, some may stick. I think he has been infected.

 

[papa bear]

all three people are wienies for not saying anything in the first place. sorry your father doesn't love you and cares more for the other people

what would be the difference if your father said he didn't like your sexual orientation or your political stance, or weather or not you wear seat belts. if you are a grown man you know what the choice is

 

[Fallschirjmäger]

To wear a gun in someone else's house is to say "I'll defend this house and those in it as though they were my own" to a guest in your home, you're saying "I'll defend you as though you were my own family." Anyone who objects is leveling the deadliest insult possible, "I won't trust you until you render yourself defenseless."

I'd forgotten it was you who wrote that little snippet; I've quoted it (from memory, and badly as well) several times to my loved ones and on posts here.

You give me far too much credit, sir. It is plagiarized (and poorly at that) from another source.
For those who like to read novellas of alternate worlds, where a tiny change makes a world of difference, I heartily recommend The Probability Broach. It's a bit disturbing, as it depicts George Washington as a less than stellar gentleman, but it presents the point in an accurate manner.

The page from which I plagiarized my words...

 

[twoskinsonemanns]

In my personal opinion, this may shock some, but you should have checked with the property owner first.

Absurd. Carrying is not some dangerous horrible act that we must warn people or apologize for. It's a normal activity. Guns are tools carried to be prepared for a catastrophe.
I would not think of warning someone who invited me over that I was carrying than I would warn them if I had long hair, tattoos, earrings, and gay tenancies.

 

[sudden valley gunner]

Keep carrying. Your dad will learn to accept it or he won't. If he doesn't accept it then it is his loss.

 

[Freedom1Man]

My mother freaks out when I carry around my nieces and nephews. The funny thing is that my brother and sister are both cool with my carrying around their young ones. They both know that I would defend their children with everything I've got.

So my mother told me that she did not want me to OC (carry at all really) around when visiting her. So that year I did not visit for Thanksgiving or Christmas. She relaxed about it for a short time and then slowly started over the back side of the hill again. I might not be visiting her for this year's holidays again.

====

Either way, I think that your father is a little unstable from what I gathered when I met him. He's not a bad guy just not cut out for complex arguments.

You might try the "easy" arguments and logic with him. Ask him how many fire fights have you been in, in the past 2 years?

Ask him about how effective the gun free zones have been around the country?

Ask him if criminals prefer hard targets or soft targets? Point out that CC looks like a soft target and that OC looks like a hard target.

 

[Bikenut]

My personal thoughts.................

There comes a time (or at least there should!) when a boy stands tall in front of his father and demands the respect he deserves as an individual... as a man in his own right. The issue that causes this and the repercussions from it are actually incidental because it isn't about the issue.. it is about the rite of passage from being a boy to becoming a man. Some fathers understand this and encourage it... some fathers understand it and discourage it because they want to hold onto their little boy no matter how old he gets... some fathers don't understand it and think it is all about keeping the power they had over their child.

Sadly some boys never understand it isn't about the issue nor is it about their father... it is about the boy himself becoming a man.

 

[The Truth]

Absurd. Carrying is not some dangerous horrible act that we must warn people or apologize for. It's a normal activity. Guns are tools carried to be prepared for a catastrophe.
I would not think of warning someone who invited me over that I was carrying than I would warn them if I had long hair, tattoos, earrings, and gay tenancies.

It's absurd that I have respect for people's rights? I don't get it. It has nothing to do with danger, or long hair, or being gay, or having tattoos.

Now I could understand that one's own father of all people should be accepting, and that's a little different than any random friend.

Would you go into a business with compliant no guns signage and raise hell about it (probably while OCing)? Probably not unless there were some specific circumstances warranting such a reaction. You simply would not patronize that business anymore.

 

[The Truth]

The OP was invited in by an occupant/tenant who knew he was carrying.

Who amongst us asks for permission with each threshold we look to cross? I can honestly say that I have never asked. Yes I presume that if I am acceptable, then the way I am dressed is also.

I somehow missed this comment. I think I am starting to understand this situation a little more.

 

[SFCRetired]

1. You (OP) were invited into the home by your father, a resident in that home. You neither saw nor were spoken to by the other residents.
2. Your father has, for whatever reason, decided to take their side against you. You might want to sit with him in a neutral location and find out why.
3. If at all possible, try to keep on amiable terms with your father. This does not include caving on your principles and rights.

My reason for #3 is very simple: There is not a day that goes past that I do not devoutly wish that I could talk to my Dad just one more time. He's been gone 39 years, but I still miss him. Don't put yourself in a position where you remember that your last words with him were in anger or were bitter. That would be far worse than my situation.

 

[Grim_Night]

Grim night, let's put this into perspective ~ from you own posts, your entire family is and has been dysfunctional your entire life.Why on earth do you believe this incident is any different than the other situations which have arisen in your past and i hope you understand they will likely continue in your future.

by your own admission, this is not your father's home. apparently you even lack foresight into your father's living situation since: quote " I hadn't eve seen them before entering the house..." (sic) & "I was there helping my father to bring things in from the car." unquote

did you drop your father off at some type of adult caregiving facility? But as you state, it is not your father's home and as has been stated out here, everyone has their own house rules.

since this is this apparently new behaviour from your father who is now living with this 'couple'? is he paying for room and board? have they taken him in as a favor to the state to preclude your father walking the streets with a shopping cart and sleeping under bridges and eating at soup kitchens?

Not my place to present exacting details regarding this issue, but I will explain a little further. My father lives with 2 friends of his. He is a long haul truck driver and when he is in town, he makes his residence at their home. I know the couple that he lives with and I have even spent 1 Christmas with the couple and their family while I was with my father. What I ment by "I hadn't even seen them before entering the house" was that my father invited me into his home to help carry in some groceries as well as to "say hi" to his "roommates". Before entering the house on this occasion, I hadn't seen the owners of the house before entering that night. I encountered them once I had actually entered the house just past the garage and laundry room.

personally, i would be worried about your father's living arrangements since you flat out state he relayed a significant message to you about his concern for his well being: quote "He feels that he doesn't want his life to be threatened by other people that may see me with my firearm and may decide to do me harm and him getting caught in the crossfire..." unquote

if those are his exact words and not not something you believe he said, they should not be taken lightly by anyone as those are not words spoken by a father to his son just to get the son to quit OC'g. hey son knock off the OC'g while at so and so's house, or grim i have been asked by my caregiver to ask you not to OC while here, etc. Not, oh i fear for my life and worried about the exchange of lead between everyone!!

I said that I paraphrased what he said. He was telling me that he didn't want to put his life at risk because somebody else may see my firearm and want to "test" me and see if I was "quick -draw-mcgraw" or something to that effect and that he didn't want to be caught in the middle.

finally, if you discern he is in a save haven and you 'misheard' his comment and you have a semi amiable relationship, why in the world are you being so sensitive at this juncture? this is s singular comment and possibly should be taken as your breath stinks, you look horrible, etc., and quit brooding on the comments since he is living in someone else's home which you now know you are not welcome in 'with your gun'!!

bottom line, quit your bellyaching and ask your father why the change of heart but me thinks there is more than meets the eye, eh Grim?
ipse

My problem isn't with what his roommates think. It is their home and if they don't want me there then that is their choice. My problem is with the fact that my father gave me the ultimatum that as long as I have my firearm in my possession, I am not welcome in his presence. Meaning that if he and I were to go out to eat at a restaurant and I had my firearm with me, loaded or unloaded, concealed or open carry, I was not welcome in his presence.

I take this to mean he is telling me to choose between having him as my father in my life and my firearm and my principles and beliefs. I consider this to be on the same level as if I were to tell him to choose between his friends that he is living with and me as his son. "Either you associate with me or you keep your friends, but you can't have both." This is something that I feel should never have been brought up or even contemplated between "close family".

I love my father and I always will. He has helped me out in my life through all the hardships that I have suffered in the last 16 years. But I believe that his current position regarding this issue may undo everything that he and I have built up in our relationship.

 

[twoskinsonemanns]

In my personal opinion, this may shock some, but you should have checked with the property owner first.

Would you go into a business with compliant no guns signage and raise hell about it (probably while OCing)? Probably not unless there were some specific circumstances warranting such a reaction. You simply would not patronize that business anymore.

Interesting. Just out of curiosity do you ask each business you go to ahead of time if it is ok to carry there?

I love my father and I always will. He has helped me out in my life through all the hardships that I have suffered in the last 16 years. But I believe that his current position regarding this issue may undo everything that he and I have built up in our relationship.

Your in a tough spot Grim. I can relate I believe. My parents and I had a similar standoff over religion. To be perfectly honest it caused a couple year contact drought. In the end we agreed to ignore the subject completely and resume normal relations. I believe standing your ground to be the best advice. But it's not an easy choice.

 

[golddigger14s]

It's not guns, it's the parent-child conflict of opinions. For me it was my choice of women, he did not approve of me dating a "Mexican". Guns, women, politics, religion, etc. There will always be something. This is, and will be difficult for you. There is no right answer, there will have to be some kind of compromise probably. Both my parents have passed prior to my "coming out" (gun ownership/OC) so that was never an issue. The roommates though can pound.....Anyway, it's just something you have to compromise, or stand firm in your convictions. I wish you well in this regard.

 

[HPmatt]

My dad's been gone 32 years - we didn't have OC (and still don't in TX), but one of the things we loved to do together was duck hunt (long guns). I am sure if OC was legal in Texas, we'd have carried pistols too - one warm January day teal hunting shot a rattlesnake w my shotgun - 52" skin that was left probably was 56-58" if the head had been attached.

I don't know the nuances between you & your dad, but would want to figure out some way/activity to keep in touch with him if for whatever reason he's become skittish around you/OC. You would think as a trucker he'd understand need for personal protection. Would think you guys could meet for meals, or worst case talk on the phone. Of course holidays are always stressful, but p'haps have him & chickensht roomies to your place for Christmas or Thanksgiving and OC.

Good luck but do try & keep the relationship w your Dad, but certainly don't surrender your principles.

 

[kparker]

In my personal opinion, this may shock some, but you should have checked with the property owner first.

Not only NO, but HELL NO.

This place IS your father's residence. You were dropping him off; there was an explicit or implicit invitation from him for you to enter the premises to help with bring his stuff in.

 

[The Truth]

It's my personal opinion. I know what's legal and what's not, but in the case of a private residence as opposed to a business I see nothing wrong with a little tact. I have no such friends that would necessitate me asking them first, but what I mean is I wouldn't have a problem communicating about it if the need arose. I don't fight all fights the same way. In my house I prefer that my friends let me know if they are carrying into my home. It's not like I'm making them disarm, I just want to know since it is my property and I am responsible for the goings on here.

And no I don't call all businesses ahead of time to see if they allow carry. I did call a specific gun shop one time just to make sure, but that's the only time I've ever called ahead. If I don't see signage I carry on.

As for the situation with dude's Dad, hopefully you guys can talk it out and kill the uncomfortability factor with some dialogue.

 

[Difdi]

In my personal opinion, this may shock some, but you should have checked with the property owner first.

Why? When you're going visiting, do you phone ahead and request permission to wear clothes and possess a wallet too?

Clothes, wallet, gun -- just part of being properly dressed.

 

[The Truth]

If you'll read the post right above yours, I think I did a better job of clarifying what I meant.