Need some help: wife opposes me carrying

[Maverick9]

That could be a Garth Brooks song...:lol:

I think it is!

'Cause I've got friends in low places where the whiskey drowns. And the beer chases my blues away and I'll be okay

 

[OC for ME]

Some good posts lately, and some obnoxious ones. To those saying she was the one in control and that it wasn't a compromise, let me try to clarify something for you: the compromise on HER part was accepting that there was going to be a handgun in the house. The compromise on MY part was that the gun would be unloaded and put away during the day. Keep in mind, too, that since I made the decision to start open carrying - without consulting her - her conditions are no longer being adhered to, as the gun is now loaded 24/7, and on my hip from the time I get dress in the morning until I go to bed at night. The issue now is that she doesn't like that I'm carrying at all, though I have not stopped doing so. Some of you kept acting like I was bowing to her wishes; what I've been trying to do is simply find a way to get her to accept that I will be carrying from now on.

Now, further developments: last night we had another talk about it. She brought up her objections, and I addressed them as best as I could. <snip>

As I indicated in a earlier post. Carry anyway and she must then decide. It seems that she has. She chooses you over her winning. The conversations are on your terms it seems and you are educating her, and she seems to be receptive to learning. Good for you and good luck, she seems to be coming around.

After the dust settles, ease her into shooting your pistol so that she may come to know that the tool is not the issue, but the citizen who carries the tool. She will need to know how to use the tool if you are not available to use it for her.

 

[mobiushky]

Wow. She's living in your domain and she's trying to tell you what to do?? Man, that would not fly with me. Both my wife's and my parents have passed on, but if I had a situation like you have described, that would quickly come to and end one way or another. Our home, our rules. I have a neighbor who's MIL is very demanding and selfish. I know neither he nor his wife would have her as a permanent guest in their home. It would drive them both nuts.

I'll just say it has not been the most fun arrangement. For the most part she tends to stay in her area of the house and I can go a couple days without seeing her. But to be sure, nothing she says makes me change how I behave. Anytime she whimpers about the guns, I simple look her in the eye and say very calmly, "No." And I turn back to what I'm doing. It's not the best of situations because it puts more strain on my wife (they can't seem to get along when they are close, but put them on opposite sides of the country and they are best of friends). BTW, what you said above is exactly why we refuse to allow her to pay rent. She demanded that we take rent money from her. We refused. If she pays rent, it's "her" house too. Nuh-uh!!

 

[Thundar]

Have you taken her to the range? Show her you know how to handle to thing. Show her your safe with it and that its a tool like any other. Women are skeptical creatures by nature.

My wife was also pretty skeptical and would ask "why are you bringing that to x place". I would do it anyways and have done so for long enough that now its "why aren't you bringing it?". I gave her the NRA basic pistol course and she understands guns more. She still hates guns in general only because she's so passive she can't wrap her head around the idea of hurting someone with it.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Sent from my XT907 using Tapatalk

Start with a plinker with no kick at a time when the range is empty. Make it pleasant for somebody that is gun shy.

 

[Thundar]

Do not get into a debate about the merits of guns. Tell her there are very few instances where you could imagine using the gun except to defend her. Tell he.r that she is worth defending.

 

[wimwag]

Do not get into a debate about the merits of guns. Tell her there are very few instances where you could imagine using the gun except to defend her. Tell he.r that she is worth defending.

This +1000. But no sarcasm. Sarcasm set me back a few years.

Sent from my ZTE V768 using Tapatalk 2

 

[WalkingWolf]

Debate sometimes is the last objective thing to do when somebody locks their heels into the dirt. I like the immortal words of the philosopher Nike "Just Do It!".

 

[solus]

if i am within 1k of my MIL i am too close. i capitulated one time as she is aging and had her stay in our home over a holiday. she made a comment to us both right before Christmas while she there. she cranked my partner so badly that on box'g day the MIL was loaded in the car and driven back home...a four day trip where nothing was said to each other!!

we did have a good new year's holiday tho so something good came of the adventure!

ipse

 

[SouthernBoy]

I'll just say it has not been the most fun arrangement. For the most part she tends to stay in her area of the house and I can go a couple days without seeing her. But to be sure, nothing she says makes me change how I behave. Anytime she whimpers about the guns, I simple look her in the eye and say very calmly, "No." And I turn back to what I'm doing. It's not the best of situations because it puts more strain on my wife (they can't seem to get along when they are close, but put them on opposite sides of the country and they are best of friends). BTW, what you said above is exactly why we refuse to allow her to pay rent. She demanded that we take rent money from her. We refused. If she pays rent, it's "her" house too. Nuh-uh!!

Good for you and good luck to you and your wife. I know it can be difficult at times. We never had any of our parents living with us so I don't know first hand, but only one of them would have been a problem... and he would have been a pill.

Sounds like you both have a good handle on things.

 

[SouthernBoy]

if i am within 1k of my MIL i am too close. i capitulated one time as she is aging and had her stay in our home over a holiday. she made a comment to us both right before Christmas while she there. she cranked my partner so badly that on box'g day the MIL was loaded in the car and driven back home...a four day trip where nothing was said to each other!!

we did have a good new year's holiday tho so something good came of the adventure!

ipse

My MIL was a good and decent person. She may have been of a mind to say a few things had she lived with us but that would have been out of habit after having lived with my wife's father for years. He was something else. She and I always got along fine so I think that arrangement would have worked.

And my mom was a fine lady so I don't see where she would have been a problem. She was in a nursing home for the last five years of her life and needed constant attention. Since both of us worked, we couldn't have her here with us unattended. It's a difficult time in your life when your parents get old. I'm going to do my damnedest NOT to become a burden on my daughters.

 

[HPmatt]

You come onto a forum and post your situation or problem. You want a variety of responses on both sides of the issue. It's a matter of broadening your perspective and getting different points-of-view.

It's not just about getting just the answers you want to hear, though some people don't get that.

If someone has a different take it's actually -more- helpful than hearing from the choir. What's the point of asking on a forum if you're going to put people on ignore? You're only exposing your own immaturity, especially if you do it within your first couple weeks here.

FWIW

+1

How about one more angle that I have not seen on this fast-moving thread -
Is the wife a Lib?
If so then there are all sorts of other roots attached to her uncomfort around non-cops carrying guns - peer pressure of liberals' perception of how the world works, and all the other misconceptions that liberals 'feel' about things they don't THINK about - man-made global warming; only southerners are racists; illegals are good for the US economy; if we are nice to Islamists they will leave us alone; unemployment pay actually creates jobs; Obamacare will save you $2500 a year and you can keep your doctor; poor people need welfare but not jobs; single mother families are good; violent criminals are created by the cruel society, etc

If this is the case they you've got an awful lot of work to do in order to untrain how most Americans are being raised up these days.

 

[wrearick]

Wow, all I can say is that this in NOT a thread I would send a newbie to as an example of the the kind of assistance and expertise that he can get off of this web site and I doubt Mr. Pierce would be proud of the conduct and comments of some on this thread. The OP came here and asked for "suggestions" (different from opinions) - and what he got (from some) was ridicule, insults, and his manhood called into question. Good job guys. I hope you are proud of your "contribution"! Whatever happened to "if you can't say something constructive, keep your mouth shut?!" Keep it up and no new people will risk asking questions least they awake the trolls whose only goal is to spread hatred and dissent.

For those that provided constructive responses to the OP - Thank you, there were some very good points in there and I learned somethings from your experiences and was enriched by your taking the time to share your knowledge and experience. Could have done without the other type of comments though.

JMHO,
standing by for the inevitable abuse and insults to my manhood, but it is time someone stand up and ask folks to grow up!

 

[solus]

Wow, all I can say is that this in NOT a thread I would send a newbie to as an example of the the kind of assistance and expertise that he can get off of this web site and I doubt Mr. Pierce would be proud of the conduct and comments of some on this thread. The OP came here and asked for "suggestions" (different from opinions) - and what he got (from some) was ridicule, insults, and his manhood called into question. Good job guys. I hope you are proud of your "contribution"! Whatever happened to "if you can't say something constructive, keep your mouth shut?!" Keep it up and no new people will risk asking questions least they awake the trolls whose only goal is to spread hatred and dissent.

For those that provided constructive responses to the OP - Thank you, there were some very good points in there and I learned somethings from your experiences and was enriched by your taking the time to share your knowledge and experience. Could have done without the other type of comments though.

JMHO,
standing by for the inevitable abuse and insults to my manhood, but it is time someone stand up and ask folks to grow up!

nice of you to join as a johnny-come-lately and then you have the audacity to wag your finger scolding the members who participated from the beginning.

wait, perhaps i missed your contribution and input to the OPs plight or are you just here to chastise ?

ipse

 

[WalkingWolf]

Nothing was said derogative in this thread, UNTIL the OP went off the deep end. Sorry this is not a site for those that wish to have their diaper changed.

 

[mobiushky]

lol, nm.

 

[wrearick]

nice of you to join as a johnny-come-lately and then you have the audacity to wag your finger scolding the members who participated from the beginning.

wait, perhaps i missed your contribution and input to the OPs plight or are you just here to chastise ?

ipse

Sorry, I am not on this forum 24/7 as I work 2 jobs and care for an ailing wife, so my "contribution" didn't appear until post #73. How does my "tardiness" make what I said any less valid or justify the manner in which I feel the OP has been treated. Again, it is just my opinion. If you think he has been treated in a kind and fair manner, you are entitled to your opinion.

 

[wrearick]

Nothing was said derogative in this thread, UNTIL the OP went off the deep end. Sorry this is not a site for those that wish to have their diaper changed.

I disagree with you on that. Regardless, of who threw the first stone, I am saying a simple, legitimate request for suggestions should not have digressed into a stone throwing contest.

I agree we should be able to have honest and frank discussions without having to make sure everything is rate G but this is not the first time I have seen folks get beat up for no good reason. This time I chose to speak out about the appearance that some (not saying you or anyone in particular) seem to go out of their way to make things worse vice help. Some one here would think they did a great service is he went and had a knock down drag out fight with his wife. His situation is what it is, and he is looking for help in finding a solution that allows him to KBA. The whole thing comes off like the kid who got beat up at school and comes home and gets beat up again by his father because he was weak and got beat up in the first place. How does that help?

 

[WalkingWolf]

I disagree with you on that. Regardless, of who threw the first stone, I am saying a simple, legitimate request for suggestions should not have digressed into a stone throwing contest.

CITE those stones?

 

[OC for ME]

Wow, all I can say is that this in NOT a thread I would send a newbie to as an example of the the kind of assistance and expertise that he can get off of this web site and I doubt Mr. Pierce would be proud of the conduct and comments of some on this thread. The OP came here and asked for "suggestions" (different from opinions) - and what he got (from some) was ridicule, insults, and his manhood called into question. Good job guys. I hope you are proud of your "contribution"! Whatever happened to "if you can't say something constructive, keep your mouth shut?!" Keep it up and no new people will risk asking questions least they awake the trolls whose only goal is to spread hatred and dissent.

For those that provided constructive responses to the OP - Thank you, there were some very good points in there and I learned somethings from your experiences and was enriched by your taking the time to share your knowledge and experience. Could have done without the other type of comments though.

JMHO,
standing by for the inevitable abuse and insults to my manhood, but it is time someone stand up and ask folks to grow up!

rat those buggers out. name the offenders and the saints, every one of them. No?.....Pack sand. Yes? Well then, let those you condemn defend themselves. Let those you anoint bask in the light of anointment.

No drive by chastisements!!

There aught to be a forum rule about that.

 

[davidmcbeth]

CITE those stones?

Since its in this very thread ... a cite is not needed.