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Asked not to carry at a wedding... What Would You Do???

What would you do if you were asked not to carry at a family member's wedding?

  • Attend the wedding unarmed and remain silent

    Votes: 4 28.6%
  • Attend the wedding unarmed and convey my thoughts on 2A to her

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Do not attend the wedding and remain silent

    Votes: 2 14.3%
  • Do not attend the wedding and convey my thoughts on 2A to her

    Votes: 8 57.1%

  • Total voters
    14
  • Poll closed .

since9

Campaign Veteran
Joined
Jan 14, 2010
Messages
6,964
Location
Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA
Yesterday, I was asked by my much younger first cousin not to carry a firearm at her upcoming wedding. Although she's 25 years younger than I am, we've been close. I babysat her a few times when she was young, hung out with her, my aunt and uncle on a number of occasions, and have kept in touch with her over the years as she went on her own travels around the world.

Of course I'm invited to the wedding, but she has let me know my firearm is not. She knows I OC often but will CC when the occasion warrants, and this is one such occasion.

What would you do? Most importantly, why? Yes, I'd love to read a full narrative of your thoughts on this.

Despite a wide spread of political differences, we're a fairly tight-knit family of roughly twenty over three generations. Despite being scattered across the country, we keep in touch via social media and get together for various events two to three times a year. I've always carried at our family gatherings, usually concealed out of respect for three who are more outspoken anti-2A members of our family.

I do not want to skip her wedding. I want to support her during her time of matrimonial joy. But I'm not going to lie to her and carry anyway. Even if I CC'd, that would probably create a flap that would mar her wedding, particularly if the three anti-2A members started yapping about it.

But on the other hand, this is the first time I've ever been asked by anyone in my family to give up my right to defend myself.

So, regardless of the fact that everyone is orders of magnitude safer at the wedding if I carried, the options are simple:

1. Attend the wedding unarmed and remain silent
2. Attend the wedding unarmed and convey my thoughts on 2A to her
3. Do not attend the wedding and remain silent
4. Do not attend the wedding and convey my thoughts on 2A to her

Again, lying to her and carrying anyway isn't an option.

I'm quite vexed at all this and greatly appreciate everyone's input.
 

color of law

Accomplished Advocate
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She has every right to ask you to honor her request. However, you have the same right not to forfeit your rights, meaning you not go to her wedding. If she had any respect for your rights, I would think she would be willing to compromise. In other words, out of sight, out of mind would be reasonable. If not then she really has no respect for you and your concern for you and your personal safety, including your family. Stay home.
 

OC4me

Regular Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
758
Location
Northwest Kent County, Michigan
So, regardless of the fact that everyone is orders of magnitude safer at the wedding if I carried, the options are simple:

1. Attend the wedding unarmed and remain silent
2. Attend the wedding unarmed and convey my thoughts on 2A to her
3. Do not attend the wedding and remain silent
4. Do not attend the wedding and convey my thoughts on 2A to her

Again, lying to her and carrying anyway isn't an option.

I'm quite vexed at all this and greatly appreciate everyone's input.

5. Have another eligible trusted person carry for you (while keeping quiet about it).

My wife has carried (for both of us) on certain occasions similar to yours. Everybody knows that I carry, not many know about her though.
 
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CJ4wd

Regular Member
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329
Location
Planet Earth
OC's idea for a little subterfuge might work but, if discovered could backfire badly.
I believe that you should calmly tell that you're sorry but will be unable to attend under those restrictions. You value her life, your life, as well as those of everybody attending too much to give up that right, even for her wedding.
 

solus

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Aug 22, 2013
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here nc
Since9, this event is the bride and groom’s day, period.

As CoL succinctly stated, you honor their wishes and enjoy their event they wish to share with you; NEVER mentioning this ever!

Or you send your regrets with a generous check, stay home, and NEVER mentioning the reason for missing their rite of passage, EVER!

Sorry OC4me, the poster has been told no firearms, period! Just like any other private property restrictions mean NO!

‘Sides as CJ4wd stated...ramifications if discovered would be horrific and Since9 would become a familial pariah and legend for generations.

Finally, there could be an alternative rational such as the facility restrictions, alcohol being served, ad nauseam and the family ‘knows’ if facility restrictions cause the no carry edict, you would carry anyway so the ‘bride’ said no to preclude tirade issues.

That such a knowledgeable and honourable gentleman had the audacity to even generate a poll and ask a forum what he should do is beside the point!
 

since9

Campaign Veteran
Joined
Jan 14, 2010
Messages
6,964
Location
Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA
She has every right to ask you to honor her request. However, you have the same right not to forfeit your rights, meaning you not go to her wedding. If she had any respect for your rights, I would think she would be willing to compromise. In other words, out of sight, out of mind would be reasonable. If not then she really has no respect for you and your concern for you and your personal safety, including your family. Stay home.

Excellent observations and sage advice. Thank you. Her request is more a matter of typical liberal ignorance than anything else. Most Americans haven't learned a third of the firearms-related information as those of us who frequent these and similar forums. I could indeed ignore her request or stay home, but either way, it would cause her unnecessary strife on the first and hopefully only wedding day she'll ever need.
 

BB62

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... I could indeed ignore her request or stay home, but either way, it would cause her unnecessary strife on the first and hopefully only wedding day she'll ever need.
Yes, much better that you be caused unnecessary strife than her!

:uhoh:
 

HP995

Regular Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2012
Messages
730
Location
MO, USA
Outside the box/poll - car carry? Walk in unarmed but perhaps with some small implement capable of breaking a window. Assuming the venue is "windowy" and you arrive early, you could park well, choose a good seat near window or exit and if things go south, try to escape building to gain weapon. Imperfect but fair chances.*

Then when the preacher says, does anyone know any reason why this man and this woman ... speak now or forever hold your peace - time to stand up and deliver that speech! Starting somewhat ambiguously and ending thunderously with "... thus all Americans are guaranteed the irrevocable right to bear arms and should not face discrimination when doing so, especially by the very same people who will come crying and begging for help and protection the moment bad things happen. Where did personal responsibility go to? In conclusion, no, I know of know reason why this couple should not be joined. I'll sit down now, thanks. Carry on!"†

* Serious suggestion.

† Joke, exaggerated.

So I would suggest "1. Attend the wedding unarmed and remain silent" - but with the enhancement of car carry and best car and body positioning you can manage. You obviously wish to attend, and for good reasons. You can if you choose, and you don't have to feel like you let the side down, nor be too distant from your trusty sidekick although no guarantees of your safety. Consider that sacrifice the "real" wedding present out of love and known to yourself only and maybe a few of us. I agree that "this event is the bride and groom’s day" and not the time for the 2A talk before or during that day; it'll go right out the other ear. There may be other good times for those talks. Then again there may not; antis are not too big on listening. We can only try. :)
 

gutshot II

Regular Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2017
Messages
768
Location
Central Ky.
It seems to me that the only fair and decent thing to do is go to the wedding unarmed and if any shooting breaks out, you hide behind the bride and use her as cover.
 

scouser

Regular Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2011
Messages
1,341
Location
804, VA
The day is about the bride and groom. You go and when you get there you remember what you're there for. There's a time and a place for everything.

Allow me to offer an example

A couple of weeks ago I walked into a venue with Solus & Tess. We were greeted and had the situation explained to us that the venue had a no firearms allowed rule, so all three of us returned to our cars, disarmed and re entered the venue. We did that because of why we were there even though we didn't agree with the request. Why were we there? It was a memorial service for Grapeshot and for all of us the reason for being there was more important.
I don't want to enter into discussion about that event in this thread, I'm just using it as an example.

It is up to you, sir, to decide what is more important on your cousin's wedding day
 

OC for ME

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Location
White Oak Plantation
Is the venue located in a elevated crime area? Is the risk of violence during the event of such a magnitude that being armed is better than not being armed? If the answer is yes to one or both then perhaps a venue change is in order...or do not attend.

...or...

Some number of hours disarmed for that day. You decide the duration that day. Leave your pistol in the truck, enjoy the time with family and friends for however long you decide that time might be that day, then back to your truck, strap up, then on about your way...no big deal.

I rarely talk to my liberal family members. Meet most of them once a year during the family reunion on the 4th of July, out in the woods on family land, on the banks of the Black Creek in SC, I bring a dish...chicken bog. I don't carry for those several hours...pistol is in the truck...no big deal. I have a good time every year...never any chicken bog left is the only downside.
 

Brian D.

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Messages
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Location
Cincy area, Ohio, USA
Remember that church in Sutherland Springs Texas a couple years ago? Just a normal Sunday service, quiet small town USA.

And how about just a couple weeks ago, the bris at that Pittsburgh synagogue.

If there was anyone in those cases who'd been talked into leaving their guns behind, and survived, how much guilt would that lead to?

I'd skip the wedding rather than come disarmed. Young brides (along with their mothers, it seems) romanticize these events like it's a Disney fairy tale movie. People who sell the gowns, tuxedoes, flowers, gifts, food, cakes, wedding rings, etc. gin up those emotions to the tune of billions of dollars each year. Considering the failure rate of marriage, it's pretty damn silly in my opinion.
 
Last edited:

HP995

Regular Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2012
Messages
730
Location
MO, USA
If there was anyone in those cases who'd been talked into leaving their guns behind, and survived, how much guilt would that lead to?

That's a good point. Similar: If there was anyone in those cases who'd been talked into leaving their guns behind, and was attacked while attending unarmed, how would they feel about the decision, possibly their last?

Then again, if you don't attend and there's a massacre, they still die. Some people would even feel guilty about that, although I personally would feel regret for them but not guilt for making the correct safety decision and even encouraging others to be safe too.

This is a messy situation. There is no perfect outcome - either sacrifice safety (and perhaps the promotion of truth) for family, or else lie or offend. The only perfect way would be the stereotypical preacher with the hollow Bible - pretty unlikely to be available. :)

And family ties aren't always as thick as people assume - sometimes people return hatred and scorn for true love and consideration. So in some cases speaking out might be the best. Depends on the people.

Finally even if you're armed you're not 100% safe. No such thing. You were not born with sidearm attached. Between traffic, health, weather and natural disasters, and freak accidents, you could be armed and it could still be the last wedding you attend. You could also be armed and lose a gunfight. Maybe a bombfight. Safety is important but it's relative. This is truly a personal decision to uphold and balance your beliefs, your safety, and your love of family the best you can for this situation.
 

Kc.38

Regular Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2011
Messages
81
Location
Central Wi
I would probably attend unarmed and give her a lifetime membership to the NRA as a gift. Over the years when receiving NRA communications she will fondly remember you honoring her request to risk your life to attend on that special day. And who knows, she may learn something. :D:D
 

JTHunter2

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Jul 11, 2017
Messages
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I would probably attend unarmed and give her a lifetime membership to the NRA as a gift. Over the years when receiving NRA communications she will fondly remember you honoring her request to risk your life to attend on that special day. And who knows, she may learn something. :D:D

Hhmm??
Interesting suggestion.
 

MSG Laigaie

Campaign Veteran
Joined
Jan 10, 2011
Messages
3,227
Location
Philipsburg, Montana
I recently attended a wedding for my brother in laws daughter. I am well known as an open carrier and I am rarely seen without my firearm. I attended in my "Dead Mans Suit" (US Army uniform) with weapon. I was amazed to see her four brothers appear, all with pistols at their side. I was proud of them all.

Your quandary is difficult because, well 'family'. I was faced with a similar situation, pressed by family members to disarm, and I declined. I explained that someone elses 'fear' of my pistol, does not mean that I must disarm. My final comment to them was A Right not Exercised is a Right lost. Stand your ground or it will be easier to disarm next time.
 

color of law

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Joined
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Messages
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I recently attended a wedding for my brother in laws daughter. I am well known as an open carrier and I am rarely seen without my firearm. I attended in my "Dead Mans Suit" (US Army uniform) with weapon. I was amazed to see her four brothers appear, all with pistols at their side. I was proud of them all.

Your quandary is difficult because, well 'family'. I was faced with a similar situation, pressed by family members to disarm, and I declined. I explained that someone elses 'fear' of my pistol, does not mean that I must disarm. My final comment to them was A Right not Exercised is a Right lost. Stand your ground or it will be easier to disarm next time.
Absolutely.
 

JTHunter2

Regular Member
Joined
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Messages
409
Location
Planet Earth
I recently attended a wedding for my brother in laws daughter. I am well known as an open carrier and I am rarely seen without my firearm. I attended in my "Dead Mans Suit" (US Army uniform) with weapon. I was amazed to see her four brothers appear, all with pistols at their side. I was proud of them all.

Your quandary is difficult because, well 'family'. I was faced with a similar situation, pressed by family members to disarm, and I declined. I explained that someone elses 'fear' of my pistol, does not mean that I must disarm. My final comment to them was A Right not Exercised is a Right lost. Stand your ground or it will be easier to disarm next time.

Absolutely.

Good points.
 

Firearms Iinstuctor

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Jul 12, 2011
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northern wis
That is to bad she put you in such a situation.

What does your uncle say.

Is the whole family anti.

Or is it only the mind filled with mush 25 year old.

I carried a ppk/s at my wedding my son and daughter carried the same ppk/s at their weddings.

Personally I would carry concealed and when she asked if she did I would say do you see one.

Then just let her wonder if you are or are not.

Most likely small of the back and then you can lift the jacket up on both sides and let her have a look.

Not being a gun person she well shrug and say ok.

You didn't lie to her you just let her mind make up the answer,

I have very little time for playing stupid games with anti's.
 

WalkingWolf

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Jul 31, 2011
Messages
11,912
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I am sorry but I am very harsh on this issue, I would not attend, and I would give reason. I have absolutely no sympathy for hoplophobes whether related, friends, or the pope. The only way to get their reluctant acceptance is standing firm, don't waste time debating the issue it is a waste of energy. I just had this discussion with a fellow I met who asked me about people who might be uncomfortable with my carry, I told him in no uncertain terms it is their problem, not mine.

Now I only speak for myself, to me basic human rights are that important.
 
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