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Open Carry humor for a change...

1245A Defender

Regular Member
Joined
Jul 7, 2009
Messages
4,365
Location
north mason county, Washington, USA
well,,,,

He may well have been lying. However, the finger was gone.

Telling the lie would have been more idiotic than the truth, so I tend to believe him.

Anyway, I don't want to further interrupt this thread from its humorous mission, so let's return to our regularly scheduled programming already in progress...

my grandfather was missing part of a finger,
he said he lost it in a bottle capping thing.
he cold of said said any thing about GOD!
 

zack991

Regular Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
1,535
Location
Ohio, USA
Two W.Va. rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.


The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."


The second hunter says," I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."


The first hunter says, "There's this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see". So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.


They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a

rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat
come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no
hesitation, jump in head first.


While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole
and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Say there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat
around here anywhere, did you?"


The first hunter says, " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing
here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a
hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

The old farmer said, "That's impossible. I had him chained to a transmission!"
 

protias

Regular Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2008
Messages
7,308
Location
SE, WI
Ynznc.png
 

OldCurlyWolf

Regular Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2010
Messages
907
Location
Oklahoma
This put me in mind of a true-life experience. I had a professor in college who cut off his finger to prove that there was no God. He challenged God to prove His existence by regrowing the amputated digit. The finger did not grow back.

The professor took this to mean that there was no God. I took it to mean that thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God. He will likely let you suffer the consequences of your stupidity.

I remember looking at that stump every day and wondering how such a brilliant man could do such an idiotic thing.

Smart people do stupid things every day.

I know of more than one personally.

It doesn't mean they aren't smart, it means they are not always right.

:confused:
 

Dreamer

Regular Member
Joined
Sep 23, 2009
Messages
5,360
Location
Grennsboro NC
That includes small gun parts.
Somewhere in my kitchen is a firing pin retainer for my Yugo 57. Seven months and still looking. It took two months to have a new one made.


I launched the guide rod for my Walther P22 across my living room once while I was cleaning it, and didn't find it until 3 months after I had received a replacement form Walther...

But at least now I have a "spare"... :rolleyes:
 

zack991

Regular Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
1,535
Location
Ohio, USA
Raising Boys - 25 key points to ponder

For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas ... Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding).

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with Roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all Four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworm dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.


Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. I was a boy once upon a time.
 

Ruby

Regular Member
Joined
May 5, 2010
Messages
1,201
Location
Renton, Washington, USA
Father Mulcahgy was speaking with Mary, the young widow, at her husband's funeral service. The good Father was talking about what a good man he had been, etc. Finally he asked Mary, "Mary, can you tell me what Donald's last words were?" "Yes, I can Father", she said. "He said, Mary, put the gun down please."
 

jeeper1

Regular Member
Joined
Sep 29, 2008
Messages
692
Location
USA
Subject: Kentucky Insurance

A man and his wife, moved back home to Kentucky from West Virginia ..

The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in West Virginia cost
them $2000.00 per year!

When they arrived in Kentucky they went to an insurance agency to see how
much it would cost to insure his wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said: "$39.00".

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Kentucky
to insure it because it cost him $2000.00 in West Virginia !

The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said,
'Well,
here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system above it, is $39.00....

You just have to know how to describe it!

( HILLBILLIES know how "to git'er done")
 

kimbercarrier

Campaign Veteran
Joined
Jul 24, 2006
Messages
721
Location
hampton, Virginia, USA
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.

The first man, an engineer, had a dog named "T-Square". The second man, an accountant, had a dog named "Slide-Rule". The third man, a chemist, had a dog called "Measure". The fourth man was a union member.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog, "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk and, with a pen, promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle onto some paper.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good. The accountant, though, insisted his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide-Rule, do your stuff." Slide-Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He proceeded to divide them into four equal piles of three each.

Everyone agreed that that too was pretty good. The chemist, though, proclaimed that his dog could do even better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten ounce glass from the cupboard, and then pored exactly eight ounces into the glass without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that that was pretty good, as well. Then, they all turned to the Union member and said, "Hey, pal, what can your dog do?"

The Union member stood up, called his dog and said, "Coffee-Break, do your stuff." Coffee-Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, s**t on the paper, screwed the other three dogs, claimed he'd injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workres' compensation, and then went home on sick leave.
 

since9

Campaign Veteran
Joined
Jan 14, 2010
Messages
6,964
Location
Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA
Investigating a noise without OCing...

[video]http://s35.photobucket.com/albums/d185/mugaliens/?action=view&current=MVI_3667.mp4[/video]

Lead Character: My son
Writer: My son
Director: My son
Camerman: Myself

Disclaimer: No one was actually shot, killed, or injuring during the filming of this clip. It did require four takes to get it right, however...
 
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Citizen

Founder's Club Member
Joined
Nov 15, 2006
Messages
18,269
Location
Fairfax Co., VA
[video]http://s35.photobucket.com/albums/d185/mugaliens/?action=view&current=MVI_3667.mp4[/video]

Lead Character: My son
Writer: My son
Director: My son
Camerman: Myself

Disclaimer: No one was actually shot, killed, or injuring during the filming of this clip. It did require four takes to get it right, however...

:) The victim being dragged out of view was a nice touch. :)
 

zack991

Regular Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
1,535
Location
Ohio, USA
TSA 2010 report on new screening effectiveness
Airport Screening Results

Year to date statistics on airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security...

Terrorist Plots Discovered: 0
Transvestites: 133
Hernias: 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases: 3,172
Enlarged Prostates: 8,249
Breast Implants: 59,350
Natural Blondes: 3
 

since9

Campaign Veteran
Joined
Jan 14, 2010
Messages
6,964
Location
Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA
TSA 2010 report on new screening effectiveness
Airport Screening Results

Year to date statistics on airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security...

Terrorist Plots Discovered: 0

Nice. Glad to know our tax dollars are hard at work.

Transvestites: 133

Have at 'em, if that's your sort of thing.
As for the rest of your crap, including your 59,350 breast implants, have at it! More power to you, and I wish you the best of luck. It's just not my thing, dig? I wish you the very best, I really do. :)
 
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