Unreal... tell me we don't have a few of these guys...

[AWDstylez]

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This is older than the internet, but I'm sure many people haven't seen it. About 3/4 of the way through things get so over the top it's obvious that specops (if not gecko)is joking, but the whole "you can never be too prepared" thing and general tacticoolishness reminded me of stuff that's been said here. If you're bored at work (like me)it's worthreading the entire thing it's absolutely piss-your-pants-funny. And when we get at leastone person that says, "I don't get what's so funny," my day will be complete. :lol:

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/



Sample:

“Am I being careful enough?” from GlockTalk

Gecko45 writes:

hello friends,

Last year I made the decision to trust my life on the street to Second Chance body armor. I got the level IIa because it stops the most rounds. plus I got the Trauma Plate for the front.

What scares me is that, although I can fit an extra trauma plate in the front, I cannot fit a second one in back. As of late I have taken to duct-taping a second trauma plate to the area of my back where the heart and vital organs are located. Then I put my vest on.

Here is the questions. The ducttape solution, although tactically sound, is hot and painful to remove. I would like to go to the single-plate solution in back. What I am worried about is repeated hits to that area with .308 ammunition. I have a high-risk security job and I fear that I would be the target for repeated long-distance shots to my back.

Are any of you aware of a thicker plate that could stop, say, .338 Lapua or something like that? Is there a better way to do the second plate?

BTW, I am, of course, usually carrying a pair of ceramic plates in my briefcase so that I can shield my head. My SO (we work as a team when necessary) has a similar accessory containing a breakdown NEF single-shot 300 WinMag with an 18" bbl. The plan is that I shield us with my body and “catch the rounds” while she assembles the NEF. I lay down covering fire with my 23 (Bar-Sto .357 Sig barrel) and she makes the long shots. I will then throw smoke grenades to obscure the area while continuing to lay covering fire. The problem, of course, is when I have to turn my back to run, and then the problem crops up.

Thanks!

One poster responded, ‘If Plan A is to take multiple .338 shots to the back, you really need to come up with a Plan B.” Needless to say, alot of folks started seriously wondering where this guy worked”
​

 

[canadian]

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‘If Plan A is to take multiple .338 shots to the back, you really need to come up with a Plan B.” ​

[align=left]That made me LOL[/align]
[align=left]I don't know how I feel about making fun of someone wearing fatigues, though. I wear them all the time. They are comfortable, and a person can never have "too many" pockets.[/align]​

 

[Legba]

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Wtf???? He's worried about multiple .308 hits in the back? Might as well wear a t-shirt, save a couple/few hundred bucksand be comfortable. Same result anyway. Funny in a sad, pathetic, ridiculoussort of way.

-ljp

 

[AWDstylez]

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Since you guys obviously didn't click the link. What I posted is about 5% of this guy's ordeal.

The madness continues...

Gecko45 writes:



Thanks to everybody for the help. I am now thinking that the best thing to do is to have my wife make an “undervest” with pouches front and rear for the additional plates. This would let me have three plates in front (probably too hot and two in back. What I’m also asking her to do is to sew in a sleeve for an ASP collapsible baton. Right now I’m taping the ASP to my right calf (the left calf is where I have my G27).It’s okay for me to talk about my job, as long as I’m not specific. I am the Sergeant of a three-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America’s largest indoor retail shopping areas. [And here the myth begins”] Although there are typically between fifteen and twenty normal security officers working the beat there, we decided a while ago that it would be best to have a specilized force for violent individuals. We use modified electric vehicles and can be anywhere on a given floor within eight and a half minutes.Naturally, the regular security people are unarmed. We “RTFers”, by arrangement with the local police, carry high-strength OC spray and batons. If we have a full tactical alert and permission from the local LEOs we also have a Mossberg 500 with less-lethal rounds and two K-frame Smith .38s loaded with 158gr. LRN.Basically, the situation is that we get the call, we lock up the situation, put everything five by five, and cordon the area until the local authorities arrive. We’re cops, we just don’t get the glory. [Somehow, I imagine the real police wouldn’t agree”]I am not permitted to carry Glocks on duty; however, when my wife picks me up from work I strap on the “Deadly Duo” of a 27 and 23, each with Bar-Sto .357 bbl.I am writing a proposal to replace our current Mossberg-Smith armament with the following:

• 3) MP5K-PDW with red-dot sights;
• 2) G36 rifles using SS109 rounds;
• 3) Glock practical tacticles in .357 Sig
• 1) PSG-1 using Fed Gold Medal .308
• 1) Starlight scope for the PSG-1 in case we lose power in the building.
• 3) Glock 27 backup guns
• 3) Kahr P-9 holdouts

I think this would make us capable of facing nearly any situation. I’ll let you know what the management says!!!

At this point, bull@#$% alarms started going off, and people started calling him on it. Here’s his response:
​

This guy is real life Paul Blart, eight years ago.

 

[Legba]

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I'm afraid I did read it. I'm winding down at work and don't have time to comment fully. Sarge is impressive with his 3 martial arts mastered, to be sure. No less impressive is how their "tactical" unit gets paid enough to afford to expend 400 rounds a night in target practice. Wish I did.

What "special boots" allow you to climb walls though? And where does the expression "five by five" come from? I inferred the intended meaning from context. I guess I'm just not hip to ninja-speak.

-ljp

 

[Springfield45]

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OMG !!! .... My stomach hurts now ..... :lol::what::lol::what::lol::what::lol::what:

~~Springfield

 

[Sonora Rebel]

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'Read it all..." This stands out tho: "If something happens at the Mall then I would be the hero..." :uhoh:

Sad... on so many levels.

 

[Springfield45]

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I find it scary that these individuals MAY own/have access to firearms .....:?

~~Springfield

 

[Sonora Rebel]

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I find it scary that people such as this are runnin' around loose... period.

 

[TheMrMitch]

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I find it very funny. Similar to the mall ninja series.....if not an actualexcerpt from that.:celebrate

 

[Il_Duce]

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I find it sad that some of you miss that this is parody.

 

[marshaul]

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_by_five

 

[FogRider]

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TheMrMitch wrote:

I find it very funny. Similar to the mall ninja series.....if not an actualexcerpt from that.:celebrate

No, it is the Mall Ninja.

I really need to edit up the BUCKDODGER stuff from a week or so ago. Reads almost exactly the same if you didn't catch it.

 

[Dahwg]

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Oh yeah not parody. It's actually legendary- this is where the term mall ninjas comes from. Google the term and everything seems to point back to this series of posts. Oh and I guess same dude was on more than one forum talking the same drivel. It's all very very funny and yet so sad that someone would take themselves that seriously.

 

[Pagan]

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I read all of it, but have heard of it before from a freind that frequents the Glocktalk forum. I think this guy is a really bored mall security type probably, they are most likely laughing harder than we are.:lol:

 

[nh92d]

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Wonder if this is him during the "special training" ?

and this is his one of a kind overly moded AR..

 

[nh92d]

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I am the Sergeant of a three-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America’s largest indoor retail shopping areas.

So basicly he's mall security...:lol:

Sad thing is,i worked unarmed security with guys similar to this.they'd make hugh deal about a new walmart flash light or go out and buy a leather badge holder..

:uhohlets hope he doesn't breed..)

 

[AWDstylez]

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Il_Duce wrote:

I find it sad that some of you miss that this is parody.

SpecOps is obviously joking and playing around. However, I think Gecko is dead serious. Whether here's a wannabe, has a mental disorder, or just an active imagination is up for quesiton.

 

[marshaul]

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Gecko has to have been joking. Do you know anything about Special Weapons?

HK may make legendarily overrated SMGs, but comparing them to SW is just a total joke. It simply has to be. There's no way someone is going to get fed up with the quality of HK and go to inferior knockoffs from there.

 

[AWDstylez]

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marshaul wrote:

Gecko has to have been joking. Do you know anything about Special Weapons?

HK may make legendarily overrated SMGs, but comparing them to SW is just a total joke. It simply has to be. There's no way someone is going to get fed up with the quality of HK and go to inferior knockoffs from there.

I took that as him being a Kia owner and going on the Honda boards and saying what junk Hondas are, because he knew this guy, that knew this guy, that had a friend... and he's just jealous. It's classic intranetz tactic. You put down a known, superior quality product because it's "not up to your standards," then everyone goes, "oh my, what a badass, even HK isn't good enough for him." At least that's the intended effect. :lol: